I think I wrote about someone dumping their rubbish in my garden?
Maybe I didn’t. I can’t find any record of it if I did.
Anyhows, someone dumped a load of their shit over the fence into my garden recently. I’m not talking about a few beer cans here, but rather several very large sackfulls containing empty beer cans, old newspapers, food wrappers, broken crockery, sweet packets and many other unmentionables. They even chucked in a “House For Sale” sign.
I pondered what to do with this lot. I suppose I could have reported it to Sheriff, or the Council but I like to fight my own battles. I decided it would probably be a good idea to collect it all and dump it back in the offender’s garden. The problem was that I am 99% sure who the culprit is but I need that extra 1% before carrying out my little raid.
I collected al the shit which covered a fair area of the woodland in the hopes of maybe finding an envelope or some other means of identification. No joy in the envelope department. However he did include two items in his crap that intrigued me.
The first was one of those SIM card thingies the size of a credit card but with the actual SIM removed. Big mistake on his part. The phone number of the SIM card is on the piece he dumped. So I now have his mobile number.
The other was really intriguing. I found a water meter. This twat has gone to the trouble of removing his water meter [fair play to him] and has chucked it into my garden. So I now have his meter as well as my own. It’s covered in all sorts of little identification numbers which doubtless tie it permanently to his address in the Irish Water database. So all I have to do now is switch meters.
If they ever do decide to meter us [and if I ever decide to get hooked up to the system – unlikely, but you never know] my friend Dumper is going to get all my bills. If he complains, then he is going to have to explain how I came into possession of his meter, and openly admit he tampered with their system.
I have been thinking for some time about a new water feature in the rockery. I fancy the gentle sound of water trickling over the rocks as I sit in the sun enjoying a pipe ful and a glass of something. Now I don’t need to buy a pump.
I’ll just run the feature directly off the mains.
After all, Dumper will be paying for it.
There is a thing here in Ireland called the Citizens’ Assembly.
As far as I can gather, it is supposed to be a sop to the general public to give them the illusion that they have a say in politics. I always thought that was the point of democracy but apparently I’m wrong. To further prove how wrong I am about democracy, the Citizens’ Assembly consists of a hundred people picked at random by an opinion poll company.
So now we have a group of people who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time making suggestions about how the country is run.
To confuse matters even further, it seems that they have been given a specific list of items to decide upon.
- The Eighth Amendment to the Constitution.
- The Challenges and Opportunities of an Ageing Population.
- Fixed Term Parliaments.
- Manner in which Referenda are held.
- Making Ireland a Leader in Tackling Climate Change.
These are the vital issues that a random sample of hand picked people are supposed to discuss.
They are currently working on the first one – the Eighth Amendment. For those of a foreign persuasion, this is the article in the constitution that concerns abortion, which is a fairly emotive topic. Now by my way of thinking, this is a medical matter involving the woman [it’s usually a woman] and her medical advisers, but this being Ireland, a small group of unqualified faceless people have been given the task of deciding her future. Basically the outcome of their deliberations will just decide whether a woman can have an abortion here or will have to travel to the UK instead. Yes – it is that insane.
I can’t wait to see what these people are going to decide when it comes to the “Challenges and Opportunities of an Ageing Population”. Send us all back to work? Send us to the gas chambers? What the fuck is there to decide in the first place?
To pile comedy on top of farce, these people are only there in some kind of advisory capacity. Presumably they will act as a buffer so that if their recommendations turn out to be a disaster, the gubmint can blame them.
The whole exercise puts me in mind of one of those toy dashboards and steering wheels that clip onto the back of a car seat to give the child in the back the illusion he is driving the car.
A massive waste of time and tax payers’ money.
I just experienced something quite remarkable.
For quite a while now my eyesight has been fading. Distant objects lacked definition. I found myself peering rather than looking. Even colours were muted and somewhat grey.
I put this down to the ageing process: the inevitable slide down the slope to a point where nothing functions any more.
Suddenly, in the last few minutes everything is crystal clear. Colours are vivid. I can see distant objects with remarkable clarity.
I’m not sure whether this is down to a bit of a miracle, or maybe it has something to do with solar flares?
Or maybe I should just remember to clean my spectacle lenses more often?