I have seen the light

Head Rambles Posted on by 10

Herself watches a lot of television.

Ergo when I am sitting with her I too watch a lot of television. 

And anyone who watches a lot of television therefore has to see a LOT of advertising.

Advertising on television doesn’t bother me much because my reaction time on the mute button can be measured in picoseconds.  As a result I just sit there only half watching the screen just concentrating enough to restore sound when the damned things finish.

There is one thing I have noticed recently though and that is the sheer number of advertisements for cars.  It used to be sofas [guaranteed to be delivered before Christmas] but it’s now cars.  It’s not uncommon to see three different cars in one break, so in the course of an hour I will probably seen every make and model that currently exists.

So we have these ads for cars of every breed shape and form but they all seem to have one thing in common – the only feature of their vehicle they are willing to display is the vehicle’s lights.  I don’t know why they have this obsession with lights but I have seen a whole range of headlights, tail lights, indicators and in one particular car, a fancy display of flashing rear lights [like Close Encounters] when the ignition is switched off. 

So we’ll get these brief images of a long shot of the car in the distance as it wends its way through Alpine roads and then – bang – a close up of the headlight followed by a lingering close up of the tail light.  Er, why?  What is the fascination with these light clusters?  Are modern cars all so similar that the only differentiating item is the shape and configuration of their illumination?

I have noticed that more and more cars are being driven with their side lights on, in broad daylight.  I presume this is to indicate that the driver is ever so proud of his new lights and wants to show them off all the time.  It could be a crappy banger behind those lights but that is now irrelevant.  Mind you – they all seem the same to me – just a Y on it’s side made of a string of LEDs.

I seem to be missing something here.

I’m baffled.


Legally blonde

Head Rambles Posted on by 9

Plan for 45 women-only senior jobs in third level institutions.

Yup.  That’s right.  Senior academic jobs that are solely open to women.

The logic behind this [apparently] is that one of the measures by which a country’s equality levels is judged is by the number of women in senior academic posts.  So what better way to skew the figures than to artificially create jobs just to bump up the numbers?

There is of course a downside to this and all the other “female quota” ideas that are being floated and that is that any female in a senior position, no matter how well qualified, will be seen as someone just filling the numbers and as there solely because of her sex.  Not very flattering to those who obtained a job on merit?

They really should forget this “gender quota” thing. It’s getting out of hand. It’s a load of [lack of] bollox.

But then what would you expect from a Minister for Short Cuts and Women Drivers?

Foggy porridge

Head Rambles Posted on by 23

I had a lie-in this morning.

It’s Saturday so what’s wrong with a lie-in, you ask?

It’s the first real lie in I have had in many months, in fact so long that I can’t even remember the last one. 

For the last few days, life has conspired against me and dropped a ton of shit on my lap resulting in a distinct lack of the old shut-eye.  Since Wednesday I reckon I had a total of around four hours sleep, mainly made up of cat-naps where I would suddenly doze off in my armchair for a few minutes.  Now I know how Narcoleptics feel.  Then came last night and I just blissfully curled up and slept for the best part of twelve hours.

On of the minor causes in that conspiracy [the major ones are another story which shall remain untold] is my cough.  Now I know people love that disparaging term “man flu”, but I can assure you it isn’t that.  I’m no fucking hypochondriac and I can assure you that what I have is little more than a common cold which happens to be of the tickely cough type rather than the sneeze and snot variety.  What makes it different is that it’s the first one I have had in decades.

The only other symptoms are that my bones seem to have ratcheted their ache level a notch or two and that I just  can’t think very clearly.  I have heard the term “brain fog” but I seem to have a brain porridge.  Hence the lack of posting.

It is really damned irritating.  Something crosses my path and I think to myself that I must write about that but as soon as I start to form the basis of a post, the words turn to sludge and I have a compete brain shut-down.  This isn’t writers block – it’s more a case of the brain’s batteries failing and causing a complete cessation of all normal functions.  Ask me to write on a topic and within five minutes I have not only forgotten the topic but what day, month or even year it is.

I’m hoping that last night’s sleep will herald the end of this nonsense.  I have managed to type out a reasonably coherent few words [but that’s my opinion and everyone else may think differently] and I think that is a ray of hope?

Now, where was I?

What a lot of bull

Head Rambles Posted on by 20

I was living in blissful ignorance until now.

However the peace of my little world has been shattered when I learn that apparently this is World Vegan Month.

Now I’m not quite sure what this means.  To me, it frankly means nothing, and I don’t care if it’s Vegan, Venezuelan, Vegetarian or Viagran Month, but I am a tad bemused by the whole concept of a month dedicated to some fucking fad..

Is this the month I am supposed to go Vegan?  Is it a sort of free trial offer?  I am asked if I would consider going Vegan and the answer is a loud resounding and very definite NO.

I watched Claire Byrne Live, which is a discussion programme on RTE on Monday and there was a right twat on.  Need I say any more than he was from “Friends of the Earth”?  According to him the entire planet is in imminent danger of collapse unless I give up eating cows.  By sheer coincidence I had just had a fine meal [my own recipe and cooked by yours truly] of cow stew and it was delicious.  Last night I had a salmon bake thingy and it too was delicious but presumably means I am now personally guilty of denuding the oceans and endangering the salmon species.  Tonight there is shepherd’s pie on the menu which consists of a potato layer over a lovely base consisting mainly of cow.  So I am indeed personally killing of the planet, and you know what?  I couldn’t give  flying shite.

The problem with Vegans is their smugness and virtuosity.  They feel that they can somehow look down on us omnivores because we are guilty of wholesale slaughter and just think of all those cute little calves, lambs and piglets that we are massacring and then digesting.  They conjure up images of half a cow lying on the dining table, oozing blood and guts while we rip and tear into the carcase like voracious wolves.  They can fuck off.

What they fail to see is that if I stopped eating meat it would have absolutely zero effect on anything except myself.  I enjoy my beef stews, my roast lamb and my steaks so the only person who would be affected would be my good self.  Possibly the only benefit of such a move would be that I could then become the horribly smug bollix that everyone avoids.  But I don’t class that as a benefit.

If someone wants to become Vegan then that’s their business, but don’t ever try and make it my business.

I love the delicious smell of frying smoked rashers too much.