Servicing the wife’s tits

Head Rambles Posted on by 3

I’m on duty again.

I was sitting here minding my own business and catching up on world affairs when Herself yelled at me.

“My tits are hungry! Do something about it.“

The more astute of you will realise of course that she’s referring to her little feathered friends and not something else. There is a problem here that I have to refrain from smutty innuendos, such as commenting that my wife’s tits are flying around the garden or offering to put up a photograph as click-bait, but I shall do my best.

I went out with the last of the feed. I buy bird seed in 2.5Kg sacks and I get through a couple of these a week. As I scattered the seeds along Herself’s bedroom window-sill the Robin came to sing his thanks. He must sit there every morning waiting for me as he’s always first to start grabbing the seeds, literally as I am pouring them. Cheeky little bugger.

Once I have retreated indoors the Tits [of various models] start dive bombing the seed. They nip in, grab one seed and then bugger off into the bushes to consume their ill gotten gains. There is a constant stream of them, back and forth. The Dunnocks also crowd in usually in groups of five or six.

Next to arrive is the Collared Dove. This lad is almost as tame as the Robin and doesn’t scare easily. He usually marches up and down the sill, staring in the window and winking at us. There’s actually two of them and they frequently feed together. Not being an expert on genderising birds, I’m not sure if they are male or female but they nearly always hang around as a pair. Maybe they’re gay?

Then there are the Rooks. These fuckers hang around at the tops of the trees in the South Woods. I hear them clacking at each other as I put out the seed. They watch everything. Sooner or later they will launch their attack and anything up to ten of them will swoop down like a Russian Tank Brigade whereupon Herself will start shouting obscenities at them through the window. This usually does the trick and they fly off in a panicking cloud. I’m sure the wee lad next door is picking up an interesting vocabulary. It’s only a matter of time before the neighbours complain. Maybe I should offer Herself to Ukraine to boost their defences?

On my way back into the house I decided to remove The Ramp.

The Ramp is a large aluminium frame on adjustable legs which I plonk down outside the back door. This is then covered with a galvanised steel sheet at the same level as the floor indoors. Then there’s a portable ramp which fits at the side of the platform down to the level of the terrace. Herself can then wheel heself out the door, do a sharp right turn and shoot down the ramp to The Great Outdoors. However it hasn’t been used since Summer [which was one day a few weeks ago] and it’s noisy and Penny hates it as she slips around on it. So I decided to dismantle it again.

This means we are probably in for a heatwave shortly and I’ll have to reassemble it again.

*sigh*

Not my wife’s tits
 

You have been warned

Head Rambles Posted on by 12

The other day I was sniffing around the Interwebs.

As you do.

I don’t know what I was searching for, or how I came by it, but I found a site which gives a very flattering report on this here site.

I make no bones about it being an adult site. At my age I consider myself to be an adult, as puberty is but a dim and distant memory, and I have grandkids which should be proof also. I would therefore propose that as an adult, anything I scribble must be adult in content? I would imagine my readership is reasonably adult too, though sometimes I question that when I see some of the comments.

I am intrigued by the “disturbing content”. I have searched back and forth and can’t find anything that may be referred to as disturbing. What exactly is disturbing content anyway? That has me baffled. Any help would be appreciated as I might like to be disturbed.

It annoys me that they see fit to judge a site without knowing how many people visit it. After all, if no one visits then it couldn’t disturb anyone except me?

Regarding trustwortiness, I can assure them that this site is very trustworthy. I think. Does it mean that they’re not sure if I speak the truth or not? In which case we are into the realms of point of view and run the risk of discussing philosophy.

I can assure them that this is a very child safe site. I haven’t dropped a child yet. But give me time….

The then finish up their summary with a very intriguing line – There is still a lack of data on safety and reputation of this domain, so you should be very careful when browsing it.

Even better, if you click on the link they provide you get a page with the following:

Warning!

Oops! The page you’re going to view is related to mature or disturbing materials. Do you want to continue to the page anyway?

Heh!

 

Happy Christmas

Head Rambles Posted on by 4

I mentioned a while back that Penny had been to the vet.

I came away from that visit with a little collection of medications and potions.

She is already on a daily dose for her arthritis. The new bunch consisted of a goo that I had to inject into her mouth for three days. That was a disaster but never mind. She survived. The next was a tablet that I have to give her once a month which is no problem. I also got a medication consisting of two large metal blister things, obviously containing two pills or capsules. One was to be given to her two weeks after her visit and the next one six months later.

Yesterday I remembered the two mystery blisters. I reckoned that it was around two weeks since the visit and if it wasn’t then the medication hardly had a built in timer [though nothing would surprise me these days]. I popped the first blister in anticipation. There was a chunk of stuff inside that looked like half an Oxo cube. The problem now was how to feed it to the dog. Do I crumble it over her dinner or do I say a prayer to the gods and hope she takes it as a treat?

I offered her the “tablet” or whatever you want to call it. She sniffed it and took it. She chewed it and rolled it around her mouth. She swallowed and then looked for another one. Success!

Now my problem was how I was going to remember to give her the other dose in six months time. Six months from June the 25th?

Bingo!

Happy Christmas Penny.

I have your present already.

 

In a state o’ chassis

Head Rambles Posted on by 8

I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with the world.

In America the Supreme Court has declared that the Supreme Court is wrong. This has upset one hell of a lot of people. I can see trouble ahead.

The new craze of randomly shooting or knifing people seems to be catching on.

Putin seems determined to goad someone into starting World War Three.

A bloke in the UK wanted to become a woman so they chopped his balls off and now he wants them back, which they say is impossible. When are these fucking idiots going to realise that you can’t turn a Mercedes into a Rolls Royce just by changing the radiator grill?

Here in Ireland inflation is rampant but those who can no longer afford food or rent have been told they have to wait until the October budget at the very earliest for any help as the gubmint doesn’t want to cause inflation. Of all the weirdness in the current climate, that one is near the top.

Still in Ireland there has been great celebrations because some mayor has been elected. The joy apparently lies in the new mayor being one of the LGBTQKYTFFERDWS+ variety. Big fucking deal. Of course this is “Gay Pride Month” or something so we are all supposed to celebrate someone else’s sexual preferences. Weird.

There is a new “sub-variant” of the Virus running rampant but everyone is ignoring the fact except for a few “medical experts”. It’s nice to have some good news anyway.

Here at The Manor we continue to cough and sneeze though I have managed to reduce my nose blowing from four sheets of kitchen paper to three. This cold produces some remarkably sticky slimy snot in vast quantities.

We’re at the height of Summer and it’s pissing down outside.

Crazy.