Translating the politicians
*** This is a guest post by John ***
Like me, I would guess that you are sick and tired of all the half truths, exaggerations, evasions and bare faced lies you hear from our politicians these days. It has become a complete waste of time to listen to any of them on the media. Sometimes you know they are lying, sometimes you suspect it and other times you are not sure. Any wonder then that we are totally in the dark as to what is actually happening around us.
This has troubled me for some time now because I really do want to hear the truth, no matter how bad that might be. And then it struck me one evening, how I could get it. Like most great ideas, it is so simple. All you have to do is listen to exactly what the politician says, and then reverse it in your own head. Just think the complete opposite of what you just heard, and that will be the truth.
Here are samples of the sort of thing I mean.
Politician: "There is simply no alternative".
What it means: "There’s hundreds of alternatives but we’re too lazy to consider any of them".
Politician: "We are committed to protecting the poor and disadvantaged".
What it means: "We are really going to shaft those bastards".
Politician: "I’ve never worked so hard".
What it means: "I have not done a decent day’s work in my life".
Politician: "This Government will try everything to ………..".
What it means: "We intend to do fuck-all about ………..".
Politician: "And let me be completely clear about this ……..".
What it means: "This next bit is utter bullshit".
Politician: "It is my intention to ……..".
What it means: "I have no intention of ………".
Politician: "The party leader has my full support".
What it means: "I’m plotting with others to get rid of the bastard".
Politician: "Having carefully studied all the facts of this matter".
What it means: "This is the first I’ve heard of it, so here’s an off-the-cuff remark".
Politician: "I will be giving this my full attention in the future".
What it means: "This is the last I expect to hear about this shit".
Politician: "There will be no hospital closures in the lifetime of this Government".
What it means: "We’ll be shutting hospitals left right & centre".
Politician: "My strong feelings on that matter are well known".
What it means: "I couldn’t give a flying fuck either way".
Politician: "We want to be transparent and accountable at all times".
What it means: "There is no way we will ever be transparent and accountable in my lifetime".
Politician: "The people have spoken".
What it means: "The people in Government that is".
Politician: "We are doing everything we can".
What it means: "We are doing absolutely nothing and won’t do anything either".
Politician: "This is now a priority".
What it means: "It’s even off the back burner".
Politician: "I have dedicated my life to public service".
What it means: "The public will serve me for the rest of my life, if I can get away with it".
So, if you listen to any of them, on radio or television, try this out. You will be horrified at how accurate it turns out to be!
Enda Kenny says “Remember you are not responsible, it is not your fault……….”
Enda Kenny means ” but you will pay for it anyway “
spot on! next time i listen to the news (now everthings worth selling) it will make far more sense
Not Green – Really the rule can safely apply to anything and everything they say. They are denying categorically that there are discussions about a further bailout…… So apparently it is imminent.
Cat – Our John is a wise man. Of course the politicians may cop onto this and start speaking the truth. That would really confuse everyone.
I have for years been saying that almost every politician is a criminal look at any country and tell me I’m wrong.
“We work for you”………………………..we steal everything we can for yourself.
” A No vote for the Lisbon Treaty will mean loss of jobs”……………..dont even get me started on that one.
One could almost detect a note of cynicism in John’s post.
What on earth gave you that idea, TT?
Great guest post and a very good point made- and well made. It is true that politicians are intended as middle managers conveying the impression that subjects are open to debate but it is primarily pre-arranged theatre.
John’s theory that one should reverse all politician’s statements in order to get at the essential truth is a sound one I suspect.
Keep translating the cliches of politicians, John. I really like this bit in your hard-hitting piece:
Politician: “I have dedicated my life to public service”.
What it means: “The public will serve me for the rest of my life, if I can get away with it“.
Now, did Mr Enda really say that?
Jedrzej – I didn’t personally hear him say it, but it is widely reported that he did.
The full context of his statement –
All Irish people believe that a man’s house is his castle. It is morally unjust and unfair to tax a person’s home. [This tax] reminds me of a vampire tax in that it drives a stake through the heart of home initiative, and sucks the life blood of people who want to own their own home
Cunt. This tax is a disgrace.