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False accusations — 12 Comments

  1. Fool that I am, there was one time when I was asked to go to the shops and forgot to go to the pub instead. That was a big mistake. Trust me on this – there is far less hassle in coming back with nothing then coming back with something.

    – That’s the really expensive brand of detergent, you clown!

    – Of course, all apples don’t tast the same, you halfwit!

    – When I asked for a sugar-free, caffeine-free, calorie-free bottle of coke, I did NOT mean come back with a bottle of water.

    – Did you really think that it would be funny to buy bleach when I asked for #?!@#’n mouthwash?

    And so on…

  2. Bertie the heron?

    What did the heron do to deserve that? A magpie, I could have understood!

  3. Maybe if you took the pub sign down from above the window the bird would stop flying into it?

  4. I keep several birdfeeders om my back deck. Quite relaxing, even therapeutic to watch them. My favourite is the pileated woodpecker.

  5. Longman – I have suffered the same experience. I must admit though, I haven’t been inventive enough in the past. Bleach instead of mouthwash is a great one. I must try it….

    Ian – Bertie has been visiting us for years. I have a photo or two of him earlier on this site. There again, he could be a descendant of the original.

    Jim C – I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe if I just put up a ‘closed’ sign?

    TT – I have bird feeders, a bird table and a lot of trees and shrubs that I leave undisturbed for the birds. It annoys the hell out of the neighbours though! 😈

    Olga – So are women.

  6. The first time I saw a bottle of sugar-free, caffeine-free, calorie-free diet coke I stopped dead in my tracks, picked it up, read the label and said to her, ‘If they remove the water you would have a can of air’.

  7. Hi Grandad!

    Poor birdies – perhaps you could stick a great big cut out of a cat in the middle of the window, as a deterrent? Might turn Sandy off tennis for a while too. She can spring up and down all day trying to get the ‘cat’ and give yourself some rest and the birds a laugh! Waddya think?

  8. I think of these bird crash things as:

    Her: Jayzus! Would you look at the state of you. Where have you been?

    Him: Me.. who are you ???.. My name is Sophie….WHERE DID I LEAVE MY BABIES ??!!!!

  9. When we lived in Minnesota the worst birds for braining themselves unto deadness on the windows were cedar-waxwings. Gorgeous birds but dumb as wormless dirt. We reclassified them as tits.

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