Eight things I have learned

I have learned a few things over the last couple of days.

1. Ambulance chasing in the small hours of the morning could be fun.  If it hadn’t been for the circumstances I really would have enjoyed myself.  With hindsight, I maybe should have studied to be a solicitor?

2. Today, apparently is Fast Lane Day.  Every fucker on the roads is driving in the fast lane, and the slower the better.  It didn’t bother me though as I just stuck to the slow lane, lammed into fifth gear and left the lot of them stewing in my exhaust fumes.

3. Hospital visiting is a really fucking expensive business.  You need a mortgage for the coffee shop and as for the car park – just forget it unless you are laden down with high denomination notes or a credit card with a huge credit rating.

4. St Vincent’s Hospital in Dublin has a really fucking irritating system of loudspeakers hidden in the grounds.  There is a smarmy voice softly telling us all that “this hospital and its grounds are a smoke free area for the benefit of everyone”.  Well, I can tell you Sunshine, it ain’t for my benefit so you can stick your fucking message you know where.  If I could have found those fucking speakers I would have done something about them but they are all neatly concealed in bushes or somewhere.  Condescending prick!

5. St Vincent’s Hospital is also crap at signposting.  After three days, I am only just beginning to find my way around.  They have completely rebuilt the place since I was last there and it’s now the size of a small city.  They have huge boards in the main reception area like those arrivals and departure boards in airports.  The boards list every room, ward and office down to the smallest fucking broom closet, but they very cleverly leave out the one ward I’m looking for.  Judging by the puzzled expressions on other people’s faces it somehow omits their destinations too.  I don’t know how they do that, but it’s damn clever.

6. The nursing staff are brilliant.  They are kind, cheerful, very helpful and grossly overworked.  On the other hand the administrative staff are cunts.  Or at least one bloke is.  You know who you are – the bloke who would stand out like a sore thumb on an icefield [if you get my drift].  Kept me sitting on my arse for two fucking hours while they waited for me in another part of the building.  It took a nice Irish lass to sort things out [in seconds] after your shift finished.  Prick.

7. If they want to save money on the Health Budget, I have a very simple suggestion.  They could save themselves several million if the only TURNED THE FUCKING HEAT DOWN.  Jayzus but the place is like the fucking Sahara.  I swear you could grow bananas there [the bloke in Admissions must feel right at home *cough*].  I have to strip off every time I enter and I only cool off again after driving home with all the windows open.  A perfect environment for Ebola, I would imagine.

8. Head Rambles Manor is a very quiet place.  

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Eight things I have learned — 17 Comments

  1. Stick your car in the car park, ignore the pay and display and leave it there as long as you like – since the car park is 'policed' by a private company, the parking tickets they issue are meaningless and unenforceable. I always shred them. And as for the price of the hospital pig swill coffee, take your own.

    Since the hospital is a public building, owned and paid for by the taxpayer, i.e. you – no one can order you not to smoke on the premises. They can only ask you, and if you don't want to stub out your fag, then they have no authority to do anything about it. Let them guess your name too. It is NOT a case of 'their gaff, their rules'.

    • There is no place to park except in the car park as the roads are too narrow.  Parking outside the hospital is out too as there are never any spaces.

      I am delighted to say that the smoking "ban" is completely ignored and people smoke wherever they like.  As do I.  Still haven't found those fucking speakers though.

  2. I am glad to hear that Irish nurses retain their well deserved reputation as Guardian Angels. They and the junior doctors tend to be overworked and underpaid. Did you see any Filipino nurses around? They travel the world in search of jobs.

    • Irish nurses a few and far between on the wards.  They seem to cover just about every other nationality including lots of Philippinos.

      • A small grammatical clarification. Filipina = female person from the Philippines; Filipino = male person. I have met them in China and the Middle East. Sincere, mild-mannered people, most of them.

  3. I hope Herself is fit and well ASAP, with the minimum of pain, aggro and distresses.  All the best, and good fortune attend…

  4. The closed windows in St Vincent's Hospital is interesting. The CUH in Cork also has the condescending voice about smoking but also adds that your cigarette smoke rises and drifts in the windows of the children's wards, killing them in their cots I suppose. But all windows are nailed shut and when I asked why, they said it was a Health & Safety issue. They fear someone might fall out of an open window.

    • What the fuck would the HSE know about Health and Safety?

      The windows do actually open but only by an inch or two which is damn all use.  It has cooled down a bit now but I felt really sorry for those poor bastards stuck in the beds beside the windows with the sun streaming in.  Very unhealthy.

  5. I hope all is getting better by the day.  You and your's are in my thoughts and prayers.  You're in my good thoughts.  🙂


  6. Thanks again, everyone.

    Not much to report on the progress front except that it looks like I'll be commuting for some time to come yet.  At least I know my way around that gaff now.

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