Glittering prizes

Grandad January 5th, 2009

Here we go again.

Some of you will know this, but others who have been experiencing a two week orgy of drink may have missed it.

The Irish Blog Awards time has arrived again.

IrishBlogAwards1

The ceremony is on the 21st of next month, but like an American presidential election, the voting starts well in advance.

As far as I am aware, anyone can nominate a blog.  You don’t have to be Irish or even civilised to vote, which presumably means that Americans can do it?

The blog has to be Irish though, or at least written by an Irish person.  It must also be an active blog.

That’s about it really.  Simple.  The rules such as they are can all be found on the website.

Being a highly law abiding citizen, I am not touting for votes. [*cough*]  In fact I’m going to be lazy and not even make any recommendations. Sorry K8 the GR8!

So get your arses over to The Irish Blog Awards site and cast your nominations.

National Emergency

Grandad January 4th, 2009

Where is the National Emergency Plan when you really need it?

I have a real emergency, and there is feck all mention of it in the Plan.

I called into the shop yesterday for my supply of tobacco.  They were out of it.

I called into the wee supermarket as they always have plenty.  They were out of it.

Neither shop had any pipe tobacco in any flavour, origin, shape, form or religion.

This is not funny.

They had tons of cigarettes, but they are for the sad smokers.  You won’t catch me buying them for my own use.

What the hell is going on?

I could use the home grown, but I’d be as high as a kite all the time.  Not funny either.

Am I to be reduced to smoking tea leaves again?

A question

Grandad January 3rd, 2009

A question that has always puzzled me.

Why do people insist on driving on the outside lane when the inner lane is clear for miles ahead?

Do these aresholes think that it makes them go faster?

I cannot think of any reason for it.

Idiotic fuckers…..

Conspiracies in the housing market

Grandad January 2nd, 2009

I am utterly sick of television.

It’s too damned cold and dark to walk down to the pub, so I’m at home most evenings.

I can’t read a book, because that just sends me to sleep and if I go near the computer, Herself yells at me.  So I’m stuck with the television.

I’m not complaining about the programs.  We all know they are utter shite and there is just no point in complaining any more.

What’s driving me know are the advertisements.

Sales, sales, sales and more fucking sales.

Every slot that comes up is some fucker yelling at me that they have a sale on, as if they had just invented the concept.  And they are outbidding themselves in their reductions.

50% is considered mean now.  Some are offering 60%, and the brave ones are going for 70%.

If they can sell stuff at 70% off and still stay in business, then they must originally had one hell of a rip off markup?

The stuff they are selling is all useless too.

I am waiting for Guinness to advertise that they are cutting the price of a pint by 70%.  Where is the advertisement offering pipe tobacco at 70% reduction, with interest free credit and no need to pay a cent until 2050?  Oh no.  They want to sell us fucking furniture!

What is it about sitting room suits and beds?  Suddenly there are about fifty companies all frantic to sell us monstrous ten seater couches that would require a hangar to contain them.  There seems to be a craze for couches that won’t fit into any reasonable room.

Maybe that’s the plan?

Suckers see the advertisement, and rush out to buy one of these monstrosities.

They manage to get it home by hiring an articulated lorry.

They then discover that it won’t fit in their house, even if they remove all the internal walls.

They have to move to a bigger house.

See where I’m going?

Yes.

This is a conspiracy to revitalise the housing market.

Do they think I’m stupid?

Happy New Year My Arse

Grandad January 1st, 2009

It is traditional today to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

Bollox.

Why the hell should I wish you well today and not any other day of the year?

Today is the first day of the year and I wish you happiness.  Tomorrow is the second, and I wish you misery.  It doesn’t make sense.

Of course I wish you happiness, but I don’t see why I should wait for a particular date to do it.

So I am not going to wish anyone a Happy New Year.

I’ m just going to wish everyone Happiness.

New Year Revolution

Grandad December 31st, 2008

I have never been one for New Years resolutions.

They are a load of crap.

Why should a particular date determine when I should decide to be better [or worse]?

If I am out and about on say the 12th July and I take a pot shot at a toss pot wearing Bermuda shorts and a Panama hat and I miss, why should I wait nearly six months to resolve to aim more carefully?

I suppose there is an argument that it is easier to calculate how long the resolution lasts?  On the 1st of July I could put my hand on my heart and say I have given up groping women for six months?  But then I have no intention of giving that up so that is irrelevant.

There are people out there who are sanctimoniously promising themselves that they’ll give up smoking or chocolate or sex in back alleyways, but that’s a load of bollox.  They will only make themselves miserable and they will be back to their old ways before the Christmas decorations are down.

And why should I make a resolution anyway?  What am I suppose to resolve?

My problem is that I don’t have any bad habits to quit.  I can’t think of any good habits I should take up.

This is my problem.

I’m already perfect.

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