How not to pay water charges

Here are some of the facts they are unlikely to tell you about water charges.

You already pay €1.2bn for your water through direct and indirect taxes/VAT.

Irish Water does not have the power to garnish your wages/welfare or to plunder your bank account. They cannot turn off your water for non-payment.

You cannot be forced into a contract with a private company. THE METER IS THE CONTRACT. Do not allow them to install a meter.

Your property extends to the stopcock – curtilage – you have legal rights over this zone.

The package in September asking you to apply for your free allowance is another way of tricking you into a contract. Don’t open it, write Return to Sender with No Consent – No Contract written across it.

Irish Water will have to take you to court like any regular company. You have not entered into any contract with them – you cannot be billed by them.

Furthermore, should you protest at the installation of a meter on your property/curtilage, you do not have to supply your name & address to Gardaí unless they are charging you with an offence. Gardaí cannot use the Public Order Act 1994 against you while peacefully protesting – your constitutional rights trump legislation.

Irish Water barriers around your stopcock create a temporary workspace so you are on private property and in the workspace of Irish Water – the matter is a civil matter, the Gardaí have no jurisdiction. If Irish Water want to remove you they must get a court injunction.

Section 8/1994 Act: Failure to comply with instructions of a Garda – 'instructions' of Gardaí must be specific ‘causing a danger to the public’ etc. but your protest is a civil matter not criminal. The 1994 Act only applies to criminal matters. In fact Section 17 can be used against Irish Water's bullying and intimidation tactics.

For further information head on over to Fliuch Off Irish Water.

This non-party anti-political broadcast was brought to you on behalf of the Plain People of Ireland

Humourless and impersonal

I see I have been nominated for the Blog Awards?

Thank you, whoever you are.  I am flattered.

Best News/Current Affairs/Political Blog?  A strange choice?

In past years, people have put me forward for Best Personal or Best Humour so this is a new experience for me.  At least there is a bit more room to breathe in this category.  Less crowded.  Enough room to swing a rat as it were.

Now News I can understand.  I quite often break news here, and you were amongst the first in the world to know that my skip had arrived and that I had had some birds flying around the room. 

I never write about my Current Affairs though.  Partly because Herself isn't supposed to know and partly because I am no Kiss and Tell Merchant. 

This is not a political site.  It never has been.  Anti-political would be more the mark, so I'm not sure I qualify under that criterion?

Leastwise I have put the little badge up on the side of the page as a gesture of gratitude. 

Thank you, my one and only reader.


There was a little ripple of strangeness here at the Manor during the week.

Strangeness is when something rather unusual happens such as trying to phone someone you haven't spoken to in years only to find their phone is engaged because they are trying to phone you.  Or it might be a little whirlwind that appears on the lawn and then vanishes for no reason.

I was sitting here last Wednesday.  It was hot and humid so I had the doors open beside me.  Next thing, a wren flew in giving a loud whistle.

Birds smack themselves off the windows here at a fierce rate.  Some break their necks which is sad, while others sit for a while wondering what the fuck just happened, but most just carry on as if flying into an invisible barrier is just part of life.  However I can only remember two occasions in the last thirty or so years where a bird actually flew into the house.  One was a robin that went rigid with fright and had to be gently carried out, while the other was a sparrow that flew in through a roof light and was a right bugger to get out.

So I was more that surprised when the wren flew in.  He did a victory lap of the room and shot out the doors again.  But on his way out, he passed another wren who was flying in.  That one flew to the far side of the room and disappeared behind the television.  I went in search of him but couldn't find him anywhere.  There wasn't a sight nor a sound, nor even a chirp.  In the end, I decided he has sneaked out when I wasn't looking so I gave up.  About half an hour later there was a loud whistle and he shot from behind a cupboard, did a lap of the room and shot out the door.  So in thirty years we have two birds fly in, and suddenly two more fly in in the same day.

Thursday was hotter and stickier, and I was sitting here with the doors  and the window behind me wide open.  Next thing I heard a wren cheep behind me.  Aha I thinks to myself.  The little bugger has learned his lesson and is staying outside.  But no.. the next thing he flew across my shoulder, did two laps of the room and shot out the door.

Three visits in two days?  And I must point out that the wren isn't a particularly common bird in these parts.  Strangeness indeed?

I did a little research.  Apparently the wren is vilified by Christians but venerated by Pagans.  I have a soft spot for wrens so I suppose that makes me a Pagan?  It fits nicely with some of my philosophies anyway.

Also a bird flying into the house is supposed to be good luck.  But it's also supposed to be a portent of death.  So after three visits I'm in for some massive good luck before I die [three times] within days.

It's lucky I'm not superstitious.

Touch wood.


Ordering a Long Wait

I know you have all been sitting on the edges of your seats.

You are all dying to know the outcome of my wait that I had on Monday?

In the end, my wait lasted until Thursday.

Last week I ordered a skip [or "dumpster" as you ignorant Merkans call it].  I ordered it on line and everything went smoothly.  I gave the site all my details and it happily chewed them up, but then it stopped.  I never got to that final "Thank you for your order" shit that most sites throw up.

I phoned the company and got talking to a nice chatty Young Thing, who probably looked like the rear view of a rhinoceros, but she sounded nice.  I told her what had happened and she cheerfully announced that yes, my order had gone through and my skip was to be delivered on Monday in the PM [the website gave an option of AM or PM - they obviously like to be exact].

You know what happened on Monday.  No fucking delivery.

I phoned them again on Tuesday morning. They happily announced that there was no record of my order on the system.  I explained as patiently as I could [I can show remarkable restraint at times] that I had confirmed the order the previous week, and could she check again.  She did and cheerfully announced that she had found the order but it had been canceled for some reason she couldn't explain.  I cheerfully made some suggestions that involved computers and anal orifices.

To cut a long story short, I placed another order and the skip duly arrived yesterday very promptly in the PM.

My general intention is to clear out the garage which has been accumulating rubbish and junk for the last fifteen or so years.  It had reached the stage where there was only a narrow passageway to the door into the house, and apart from wanting to clear the place a bit, there is talk of installing a central heating boiler in the corner.  I am led to believe that it is quite a difficult job to install a boiler under about five feet of festering rubbish?

I made a great start last evening.  By the time I shut down operations, the skip was already a quarter full and the garage looked like a bomb had hit it.  I could even see new areas of floor that hadn't seen daylight in decades.  A good days work.

This morning, the skip was full.  However, having duly returned three double mattresses, four sacks of disgusting underwear, an old black and white television, a rotting dog kennel and a Fiat Punto to their rightful owners, the skip is now only a quarter full again.

Time for some work…….

A molecule of desperation

I came across a little article today which cheered me up immensely.

They have done a "study" into third hand smoke.

Naturally they have discovered that it is the most lethal stuff imaginable and causes more deaths than the Hiroshima bomb.

When you are setting out to find something that you have already convinced yourself is there, then it is a simple enough process to find it.  These "scientists" did so by rolling out a gas chromatograph which, by my understanding of these matters is an extremely sensitive machine and is generally used to search for specific elements.  For example, you don't ask the device to itemise the colours in a photograph, you ask it if the colour green is present.  So these "scientists" set out to specifically search for certain compounds, and of course they found them.  I lay very heavy odds that if they set out top find Plutonium in my sitting room that they would find a molecule or two?

So having proved their preconceived notions they announce that people's home are full of deadly chemicals which they attribute to "third hand smoke".  What I would like to know is how they know that tobacco smoking caused those elements to be present.  I know for a fact that my home is brim-full of highly toxic materials, from radioactive gas, through lead, up to arsenic and beyond.  How do I know?  Because if you look hard enough, you'll find these things everywhere – in the air we breath, in the soil we grow our food in and on every surface we touch.  The world is full of toxins caused by pollution, chemicals, nuclear tests and by the earth itself.

I have a suggestion and a question for these so called "experts".

My question is the old one I have asked so many times in the past and yet no one has answered – if the residue from smoking is so damned dangerous how come people who lived in the last century are still alive?  Smoking was rampant, so called second hand smoke was everywhere and the residue must have lain thick on every surface, so according to all these recent "studies" we should all be dead by now from cancer and heart attacks?  Yet those generations are living longer than any previous generations?

My suggestion is that before they start involving themselves in the myth of third hand smoke, that they try and prove there is any danger in second hand smoke.  This is something they have singularly failed to do, relying of cherry-picked statistics which to date have suggested that second hand smoke is less carcinogenic than tap water.

They really are getting desperate.