Being nice

Herself was watching the television news last night.

Some reporter was waffling on about something, and I was paying little or no attention.

"Jayzus!" says Herself.  "Would ya look at the cut of yer wan. She looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards, and she has no dress sense.  That coat doesn't suit her at all."

"That's sexist" I replied. "You wouldn't say that if she were a bloke."

"Hypocrite!" says she, "You're always criticising people on that site of yours.  Look at the way you used to call Harney names."

"I merely called her a fat ugly cunt because she was fat and Minister for Health.  If she had been Minister for anything else I would have ignored her.  And I called Reilly a fat ugly cunt too for the same reason so you can't accuse me of being sexist."

"You're always calling people names.  In fact all you ever do is give out about people.  Why don't you write something decent?  Why can't you be positive?  Why can't you concentrate on people's good points?  No one wants to read that shite you put out every day".

"So what exactly do you want me to write about?"

"Write about me.  Write about Penny.  Put up photographs of the new Grandson.  Just be nice for a change."

"The last time I wrote about you you sulked for a week after.  All Penny does is sleep, eat and ask for the odd tummy-tickle.  And my site isn't the kind of place for sticking up cute photographs.  If people want cute photographs of babies and kittens and stuff they go to Farcebook.  That's what Farcebook is for."

"So write about yourself then.  Write about your true emotions.  Write something from the heart.  Be honest and show people that underneath all that anger there is someone nice underneath."

"The site isn't about me; it's about my thoughts and feelings."

"Well give them some nice thoughts and feelings, and if you can't think of anything nice then don't write anything at all."






Putting Doodys Bottoms on the map

It transpires that 82% of Irish people don't know where Doodys Bottoms is.

So fucking what?

A fair chunk of the population never heard of Bastardstown?

What point are they they trying to make?

No, I hadn't heard of Doodys Bottoms before even though it's in my home county, but that's because it's the other side of the mountains and it's such a small townland that I doubt if its next-door neighbours have heard of it either. As it happens, I do know about Bastardstown, but only because a friend of mine used to live there and I used to slag her unmercifully about the name.

There are a lot of places in Ireland I have never heard of, simply because there are a lot of places in Ireland.  I don't consider that any sort of lacking in my education, but for some reason a "survey finds Irish people need to become familiar with their home country"  Why?  The only time I ever need to know where somewhere is is when I have to travel there.  If I don't know its location, I'm sure a map will find it.

As it happens, I am very familiar with all the locations they mention [apart from Doodys Bottoms] because I have been there and done that.  That is mainly because I have holidayed a lot in Ireland.


Those are the places where I have spent at least a week in the last forty years, and yes, 1986 is in Cavan so I know where that is.

However, why is there a need to know where everywhere is?  Why are people somehow lacking because they can't instantly find Doolin or trace the outline of Achill?  Would I think any the less of someone who doesn't know where Killahurler or Twomileborris is?

They love beating us over the head with our shortcomings, but this one baffles me.  It's castigating us for something that is so trivial as to be nonexistent.

Have to go down to the village now.

If I can find it.

A healthy rebellion

Ask me to do something and I will probably do it.

Tell me to do something and I'll probably ignore you.

Nag me to do something and I will [not so politely] tell you to fuck off.

That has always been my philosophy and it has stood me in good stead.  

The problem [for you, and not for me] is that if you nag incessantly I will not only tell you to fuck off, but will in all likelihood go out of my way to do the exact opposite of what you want.  Call me stubborn if you like, but that is my personality and that's the way I like it.

One of the areas where I have rebelled is the whole business of food.  It started off with that cute sounding Five a Day bollox.  I'm not even sure what the Five is and I don't care.  No one, but no one tells me how much of anything I should eat a day.  So fuck off on that one.

Now they're wiffling on about "healthy food".  As far as I am concerned all food is healthy in that it keeps me fuelled up, and what I put in my tank is no one's concern but mine.  Lately for example I have noticed my sugar and salt intake is on the increase.  I go to stick a spoon of sugar in my tea and I get a mental image of some fucking Nanny nagging me about sugar, so I add an extra spoon out of sheer defiance.  Tonight I have planned a good fry-up of sausages, rashers, black pudding, mushrooms, a couple of eggs, beans and a slice of fried bread to soak up the egg yolk.  I shall fry the lot in a grand pan of oil, partly because that's the way I like it and partly because I have been nagged that it's "not healthy".   The very words "healthy option" or "healthy alternative" immediately ring my Nanny State alarm bells and I instantly head for the "unhealthy" alternative.

I came across an article today.

Now this is the perfect example of a person I despise.  She has not only been suckered into this "health" kick but is sufficiently worked up about it to complain to the gubmint and the meeja, for fuck's sake!

Now I grant that the food doesn't look very appetising [I’m not one for pies or chunky chips] but I would point out that she was damn lucky that the child even had a bed, that it was only for one fucking night and she was damn lucky her sprog got fed at all.  If she wants fucking five star gourmet cooking for her spawn is she prepared to pay for it?  This is the epitome of the drone that the Nanny State has created – spouting out about "balanced meals" and "good nutrition", and whinging on radio when she gets half a chance.

Incidentally, before anyone starts, I had my six-month MOT test down with Doc the other day.  Weight normal.  Heart and lungs normal.  Cholesterol text book on the nose.  Blood pressure fine.  In fact every test came back well into the green. The only test that nudged into the amber was a slight deficiency in Vitamin D, which has fuck all to do with diet or "lifestyle".

So there is the answer.

If you want to stay fit and healthy, do the exact opposite of what Nanny "recommends".

Mind blowing laws

They are talking about decriminalising cannabis here.

This is possibly the most vague pronouncement yet from our Glorious Gubmint, which is famous for its hot air, lies and spin.

They say they are going to decriminalise, not legalise the stuff.  Now in theory, that means they are to remove all laws relating to cannabis, rather than introduce new ones.  I can't see that happening.

And what are they going to decriminalise?  Growing the stuff?  Supplying?  Using?  Knowing our lot, they'll decriminalise the use, but keep a ban in place for growing and supplying so you are free to smoke your spliff but you can't get one to smoke in the first place.

Our new Minister for Drugs says that he tried drugs [presumably cannabis] when he was a student but had not taken any illegal drugs.  He slides around this by saying he was in Amsterdam at the time, which shows just how daft the legal system is.  Smoke in Amsterdam and you're fine, but do the same thing here and you're a criminal.

He also says that he believes that "someone who has an addiction issue should be dealt with through the health system and not the criminal justice system".  I completely agree, but how does he reconcile this with our current anti-smoking laws?  They are forever spouting that Nicotine is so fucking addictive [more addictive than Heroin!] so why are smokers treated like criminals?

All in all, a lot of hot air and confusion.  I more than suspect that this is just a new minister trying to get his name  the papers.

I wish he'd make his plans clear though.

Us horticulturalists have to plan ahead.