I have learned a few things over the last couple of days.
1. Ambulance chasing in the small hours of the morning could be fun. If it hadn’t been for the circumstances I really would have enjoyed myself. With hindsight, I maybe should have studied to be a solicitor?
2. Today, apparently is Fast Lane Day. Every fucker on the roads is driving in the fast lane, and the slower the better. It didn’t bother me though as I just stuck to the slow lane, lammed into fifth gear and left the lot of them stewing in my exhaust fumes.
3. Hospital visiting is a really fucking expensive business. You need a mortgage for the coffee shop and as for the car park – just forget it unless you are laden down with high denomination notes or a credit card with a huge credit rating.
4. St Vincent’s Hospital in Dublin has a really fucking irritating system of loudspeakers hidden in the grounds. There is a smarmy voice softly telling us all that “this hospital and its grounds are a smoke free area for the benefit of everyone”. Well, I can tell you Sunshine, it ain’t for my benefit so you can stick your fucking message you know where. If I could have found those fucking speakers I would have done something about them but they are all neatly concealed in bushes or somewhere. Condescending prick!
5. St Vincent’s Hospital is also crap at signposting. After three days, I am only just beginning to find my way around. They have completely rebuilt the place since I was last there and it’s now the size of a small city. They have huge boards in the main reception area like those arrivals and departure boards in airports. The boards list every room, ward and office down to the smallest fucking broom closet, but they very cleverly leave out the one ward I’m looking for. Judging by the puzzled expressions on other people’s faces it somehow omits their destinations too. I don’t know how they do that, but it’s damn clever.
6. The nursing staff are brilliant. They are kind, cheerful, very helpful and grossly overworked. On the other hand the administrative staff are cunts. Or at least one bloke is. You know who you are – the bloke who would stand out like a sore thumb on an icefield [if you get my drift]. Kept me sitting on my arse for two fucking hours while they waited for me in another part of the building. It took a nice Irish lass to sort things out [in seconds] after your shift finished. Prick.
7. If they want to save money on the Health Budget, I have a very simple suggestion. They could save themselves several million if the only TURNED THE FUCKING HEAT DOWN. Jayzus but the place is like the fucking Sahara. I swear you could grow bananas there [the bloke in Admissions must feel right at home *cough*]. I have to strip off every time I enter and I only cool off again after driving home with all the windows open. A perfect environment for Ebola, I would imagine.
8. Head Rambles Manor is a very quiet place.