I have been inundated with concerned emails from you readers wondering where I have been for the last couple of days.

[/end sarcasm]

Actually I was/am ill. I’m not talking about a mild flu or a mild Virus or anything like that; I’m talking about a three of fours week genuine sickness cert for work [if I did work]. I honestly can’t remember the last time I was laid this low but it must have been some time in the Seventies.

It started last Wednesday, I got a severe pain in my back which started in my right shoulder blade, shot up through the side of my neck and then exploded in my head like a fucking firework. The pain in the shoulder was severe [about a 9] and constant but the little rockets into my head were random. So I kept going Fuck every time one went bang and this naturally annoyed Herself.

By Thursday the pain had spread down my spine and out onto my right arm. The neck and skull pains were constant too. I went down to ask the chemist for a really strong pain killer but all I got was a Nurofen. They told me that if I wanted something stronger I’d have to see Doc. But Doc is away on his holidays. Trust him to bugger off when for the first time I really need him. Anyhows, one way or another scribbling a scrawl here was the last thing on my mind. Apart from anything else my fingers were refusing to obey orders.

Friday came but the pains didn’t go. They got worse, up to a constant 10. Herself started phoning Doc’s surgery to see if she could get the Locum to write out a pain killer. The phone was constantly engaged or on the answering machine. Also bt this stage I could feel blisters appearing on the side of my neck where the pain was. Weird

By late afternoon we decided the best plan was for me to go down and do a sit-down protest in Doc’s waiting room, I put on my shoes and grabbed my keys. The phone rang. It was the Locum. She had heard the messages about severe pain and said she had a spare slot if I could get down there in ten minutes. I made it in five,

She was a lovely girl. Or I think she was as her face was covered but she had nice eyes, I told her I had visited Doctor Google and I thought I knew what it was. She laughed and examined me. “Right” says she, “What did Doctor Google suggest?” “Shingles!” says I. I was right and she said it was a very severe dose. I hadn’t realised but the blisters started at the top of my head, went all down my neck and all down my back. She asked me to remove my glasses as she wanted to examine my eye. I did with some difficulty as one side-piece seem to be stuck. I gave it a tweak and it came loose with a bit of my ear attached.. Apparently there was a very severe part of the rash there behind my ear.

When I was on to Doctor Google I naturally wanted to know a little more about Shingles. I had heard of it before and I even remember my sister getting it when I was eight or nine. But what caused it? Well, apparently two of the causes [they reckon] are being run down [not on the road, you idiot – they mean exhausted] or if the immune system has been compromised.

Alarm bells rang.

My immune system had been fucked around with not so long ago. Could there be a connection?

I did a search for Pfizer and Shingles. Bingo! Lots of reports of people getting Shingles after their jab. So now I know which cunts to blame,

Yesterday started of badly [pain wise] eased off a good bit through just sitting very still. Things went downhill in the evening though.

Today I awoke to find I only have one eye. My right eye is firmly closed by a swollen face on that side. One of the strange things about Shingles is that it only attacks one side of the head or body. Having only one eye means I have lost my depth perception, but it also means that for some strange reason I can’t type properly.

I hope that aspect clears up soon.

I need to be able to send all my details with great accuracy to my barrister.