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I am not buying that — 7 Comments

  1. Poverty means I can now no longer afford to have “my little man” (you can take the boy out of the middle class…) come round and dry clean the carpets (been a fan of carpet dry cleaning since I was in charge of supervising office cleaners in a sensitive  area….my but there is something wrong with that sentence…). So I recently acquired something like this https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/514J1DLT0cL._SL1026_.jpg on Gumtree. Which meant a drive though the Norfuck country-cide down roads that last saw a vehicle back when it was those chariots with blades on the hub. One of those villages so isolated, even by Norfuck standards, I wondered if I should have brought groats not pounds with me. Anyways it seems to do a reasonable job at cleaning however has two major faults: the spray nozzle is VICIOUS and ‘male’ in its aim (think about it-“don’t cross the streams”) and goes everywhere except where it should (doing the couch with it meant ‘kill room’ levels of plastic sheeting and bodge tape around the flat). However more annoying still is that using any amount, however sparse, of shampoo in the water leads to so much foam in the ‘dirty tank’ that the thing turns itself off within a minute or so of hoovering up the dirty water. Very hot water seems to be the best thing ,although next time I shall pour in some white vinegar….just to get that Chip Shop ambience.

    • We used to have a bloke who cleaned carpets in our wealthier days.  Herself phoned him [without my permission] and she gleefully told me that he said that those kinds of stain are impossible to clean and we should get a new carpet.  So my efforts had a bonus in proving him wrong.  When in doubt, don’t call a professional.

      Daughter’s cleaner is one of those chunky ones – https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/514J1DLT0cL._SL1026_.jpg.  Its biggest fault is that there is no warning when the input reservoir is empty so you suddenly realise that instead of washing the carpet, you’re trying just to suck the stains off.

      office cleaners in a sensitive  area”  Were they Brazilian?

  2. When I asked my loved one (the two legged female one) what she wanted for her last birthday, knowing full well that buying anything like a new vacuum cleaner, electric broom or toilet seat, is most definitely on the DO-NOT list, she looked up, smiled at me and said a carpet cleaner. Really? So I got her something like this — https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/514J1DLT0cL._SL1026_.jpg.

    She hasn’t used it yet but knowing her she will. She’ll probably ban me to deck as well while she runs amok with it. At least she’s not clamoring for a new carpet?

  3. Having an increasingly notchy mortice lock and fearing that I would become locked out someday soon, I set about investigating it yesterday.  Like you with the carpet-cleaner, I take the view that ‘what a man put together, a man can take apart’, so proceeded to dismantle the mechanism – with the same result of springs, pivots, washers and tumblers flying out randomly across the workshop, landing who knows where.   By some miracle I found them all (or think I did), reassembled the device with lots of grease and refitted it to the door – still as notchy, just a bit quieter.

    This morning I strolled out to Screwfix and, for far less than a tenner, bought a whole new lock mechanism – should have done that yesterday and saved an hour or two of panic-stricken grief.

    Lesson learned – when dismantling locks, conduct the exercise within a large plastic bag, a bit like Novichok isolation but without all the Cold War politics.

  4. A tip. (Provided you have a digital camera or a phone with camera.)

    As you dismantle something, take frequent photies.

    Then as you reassemble you have a guide.

    • Better still, video it, add some crap music then put it on YouTube and maybe make some dosh to buy a new one with. Then video the unboxing of that. Rinse and repeat.

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