I think I wrote about someone dumping their rubbish in my garden?
Maybe I didn’t. I can’t find any record of it if I did.
Anyhows, someone dumped a load of their shit over the fence into my garden recently. I’m not talking about a few beer cans here, but rather several very large sackfulls containing empty beer cans, old newspapers, food wrappers, broken crockery, sweet packets and many other unmentionables. They even chucked in a “House For Sale” sign.
I pondered what to do with this lot. I suppose I could have reported it to Sheriff, or the Council but I like to fight my own battles. I decided it would probably be a good idea to collect it all and dump it back in the offender’s garden. The problem was that I am 99% sure who the culprit is but I need that extra 1% before carrying out my little raid.
I collected al the shit which covered a fair area of the woodland in the hopes of maybe finding an envelope or some other means of identification. No joy in the envelope department. However he did include two items in his crap that intrigued me.
The first was one of those SIM card thingies the size of a credit card but with the actual SIM removed. Big mistake on his part. The phone number of the SIM card is on the piece he dumped. So I now have his mobile number.
The other was really intriguing. I found a water meter. This twat has gone to the trouble of removing his water meter [fair play to him] and has chucked it into my garden. So I now have his meter as well as my own. It’s covered in all sorts of little identification numbers which doubtless tie it permanently to his address in the Irish Water database. So all I have to do now is switch meters.
If they ever do decide to meter us [and if I ever decide to get hooked up to the system – unlikely, but you never know] my friend Dumper is going to get all my bills. If he complains, then he is going to have to explain how I came into possession of his meter, and openly admit he tampered with their system.
I have been thinking for some time about a new water feature in the rockery. I fancy the gentle sound of water trickling over the rocks as I sit in the sun enjoying a pipe ful and a glass of something. Now I don’t need to buy a pump.
I’ll just run the feature directly off the mains.
After all, Dumper will be paying for it.