Revenge is best served wet
I think I wrote about someone dumping their rubbish in my garden?
Maybe I didn’t. I can’t find any record of it if I did.
Anyhows, someone dumped a load of their shit over the fence into my garden recently. I’m not talking about a few beer cans here, but rather several very large sackfulls containing empty beer cans, old newspapers, food wrappers, broken crockery, sweet packets and many other unmentionables. They even chucked in a “House For Sale” sign.
I pondered what to do with this lot. I suppose I could have reported it to Sheriff, or the Council but I like to fight my own battles. I decided it would probably be a good idea to collect it all and dump it back in the offender’s garden. The problem was that I am 99% sure who the culprit is but I need that extra 1% before carrying out my little raid.
I collected al the shit which covered a fair area of the woodland in the hopes of maybe finding an envelope or some other means of identification. No joy in the envelope department. However he did include two items in his crap that intrigued me.
The first was one of those SIM card thingies the size of a credit card but with the actual SIM removed. Big mistake on his part. The phone number of the SIM card is on the piece he dumped. So I now have his mobile number.
The other was really intriguing. I found a water meter. This twat has gone to the trouble of removing his water meter [fair play to him] and has chucked it into my garden. So I now have his meter as well as my own. It’s covered in all sorts of little identification numbers which doubtless tie it permanently to his address in the Irish Water database. So all I have to do now is switch meters.
If they ever do decide to meter us [and if I ever decide to get hooked up to the system – unlikely, but you never know] my friend Dumper is going to get all my bills. If he complains, then he is going to have to explain how I came into possession of his meter, and openly admit he tampered with their system.
I have been thinking for some time about a new water feature in the rockery. I fancy the gentle sound of water trickling over the rocks as I sit in the sun enjoying a pipe ful and a glass of something. Now I don’t need to buy a pump.
I’ll just run the feature directly off the mains.
After all, Dumper will be paying for it.
Oooh. I love a good whodunit.
Is the ‘House for Sale’ sign pertinent, or a red herring? If the former, there should be a property nearby that recently changed hands. If so, can we reasonably assume the rubbish belonged to the previous inhabitant? But who flung it? Was it Him1, clearing out before he left? Or Him2, clearing out Him1’s junk after he moved in? Or Him2’s builder, doing renovations? (Builders are prime suspects for fly tipping.) As for the water meter, beer cans and food wrappers, they too could point to Him2’s builder. Or maybe not. The absence of envelopes has to be significant, but I can’t yet decide how/where it fits in. As for the SIM card holder, I think any amateur sleuth would ring that number on some pretext. Say, conducting a survey. That might determine whether the number belonged to Him1 or Him2 (or even Him2’s builder?), but not conclusively prove who flung junk. Aw, nuts. I give up. I’ll just have to wait for the last chapter to find out whodunnit.
Okay…. My Prime Suspect has been trying to sell his house for quite a while now with little success. Various “For Sale” signs have appeared at different locations over the months, and some have been planted on other people’s properties so theoretically one of them could have done it [very unlikely]. Also the choice of food, newspaper and the like would fit the profile.
Now you’re muddying the waters even more than before: “Various ‘For Sale’ signs have appeared at different locations over the months, and some have been planted on other people’s properties”. That’s not fair! The clues have to be logical and consistent.
Anyway, if you finally solve the problem, will you please tell us who dunnit? Because I can’t stand the continuing suspense.
If the clues were logical and consistent then there would be no need to do any sleuthing. Dumper [if it is he] lives up the lane out of sight of the road so he has to stick signs on other people’s property to point the way. Invariably those other people object and the signs get removed.
He just puts signs up on other peoples property without permission? Sounds like a lovely chap
Sure he’s a grand man. Well loved in the neighbourhood.
Wait till you can see him then ring the number