There are times when I wonder if the Puritans are really serious or are they just taking the piss?
I came across an article last night that damn near made me wet myself with laughter.
Booze curtains? Booze curtains?? Mwaaahahahahaha! Good one. They nearly had me believing them for a moment.
I mean to say, who could possibly come up with a scheme as ludicrous as this? Little booths in the corner of the supermarket looking like some kind of Santa’s Grotto? Curtains draped across shelves to make them look like a window, or a doorway to the kitchen?
Okay, just for a moment, let’s assume they are serious. I wander into my local shop looking for a fine bottle of the hard stuff. I see a curtain in the corner and pull it back. Woops – wrong curtain – I’m looking out onto the back yard. I try another curtain, and sure enough I see bottles. But I can’t see the one I want so I pull the curtains right back so I can see the whole shelf. I find my bottle and depart, leaving the curtains wide open [why the fuck should I close them? It’s not my job or my shop?] Bang goes the secret of the curtains in the corner!
I suppose they are thinking of the cheeeldren again? Maybe they have a point. Studies have shown that 100% of Ireland’s alcoholics started of on their deadly mission of self destruction after seeing a bottle of beer displayed in the local shop. The bottles stand there in a row all screaming “DRINK ME” and who can possibly resist that? Certainly not the parents who will instantly give in to pester-power and buy a large bottle of vodka for little Patrick or wee Mary. The poor cheeeldren don’t stand a chance after one glimpse of a bottle of Jameson’s finest.
So what’s next in this insane world of the Puritans? Banning booze from pubs? Conning people to only drink outside the home in the garden [and then only after the cheeeldren are safely tucked in bed]? Second hand alcohol? Third hand alcohol? Only selling alcohol in standardised black plastic one litre bottles plastered with pictures of diseased livers and battered spouses? Being banned from driving or even working if you have partaken of the Devil’s Liquid in the last six months?
You really couldn’t make it up!