So now some Argentinean bloke who lives in Italy is now telling me what I can and cannot do after I am dead?
He can shove that little edict right up his basilica.
According to this complete stranger, if I opt for cremation I am “denying the concept of resurrection” or some such weirdness. If his idea of resurrection is my decayed remains climbing out of a grave and wandering the hills and valleys, I think I would far rather remain firmly planted, as I have no wish to come back. One life is enough for me and anyway I hate zombie films.
But he is willing to let me be burned, provided he can have the ashes.
He can fuck right off there too.
On a more realistic note, the Times has come up with a little advice piece on the disposal of cremated bodies. They omit the most critical piece of advice [make fucking sure the victim is really dead before banging him or her in the oven] but apart from that their advice is sensible enough.
I hadn’t really thought much about cremation. I suppose it does have its advantages? What better way to give a last two fingers to the tree huggers that to go in a cloud of polluting smoke? The prospect of my ashes being dumped into the local water supply also has a sense of community spirit, where everyone in the area ends up drinking me or using me to boil their potatoes? Perfect recycling?
It’s all rather moot anyway as I have already picked my spot. It’s up the valley on a south facing slope where it’s nice and warm [though possibly not quite as warm as where I will actually end up?]. I shall be planted amongst the gorse and bracken where the deer graze in the most peaceful spot on the flank of the mountain. Not that I will give a shit anyway.
There is one other possibility though.
I think it would be rather comforting to be cremated and my ashes then placed in an ashtray permanently located on the bar of the local pub.
But I suppose the Anti-Smokers would then claim that the accompanying cigarette ash could lead to my early death? Only they could be as stupid as that.
Apart maybe maybe from an Argentinean who lives in Italy?