Our beloved leader, Dame Enda wants us to have a “National Debate” about pornography.
I’m not quite sure what he means by this, as he doesn’t elaborate on what he means by a National Debate. As is his usual modus operandi he turns up wherever there is a camera and then fucks off into obscurity again.
So I presume we all have to talk about sex wherever we go? How do we go about this? Do we just go around swapping our favourite porn sites and holding debates on which is the best one?
The Puritans will have us believe that the Interweb is awash with porn. Now I spend a certain amount of time browsing around and I can’t say I have noticed this phenomenon. If I search for it, it’s easy enough to find, but they would have us believe that every website we browse is going to suddenly flash up an image of a couple [or more] screwing their brains out. I have an ad-blocker on my browser and I have also blocked those really fucking irritating pop-up windows, so maybe I am missing out on something? Does the Irish Times show shenanigans at the crossroads? Does the Vatican site have pop ups of nuns and bishops doing what nature intended?
I honestly don’t see much point in porn in the first place. Watching a couple grinding away is like trying to satiate a hunger by watching a cookery programme. In fact a cookery programme would be more interesting as there is a huge range of ingredients, whereas the human anatomy is much the same the world over. To put this into perspective, I never watch cookery programmes either – I find them utterly boring and pointless. Cookery isn’t a spectator sport – it’s more taste, odour and sensation [a bit like sex?] so watching it is just tedious. It’s just like watching snooker on a black and white television.
I have a feeling there is more to this pronouncement of Dame Enda’s than meets the eye. Is his conscience nagging him and is he taking it out on the nation? Is he hiding a guilty secret? Does he imagine we are all hooked on porn just because he is? It would explain his pale pallor and the fact the he always looks and sounds knackered.
I often wondered where he was and what he was doing whenever there wasn’t a photo opportunity. Could it be that he spends his days in a back room of the Dáil with a laptop and an industrial sized box of Kleenex tissues? It would explain a lot.
It also explains why they all call him The Wanker.