What the hell is happening to this country?
Irish teenagers have one of the lowest levels of alcohol consumption in Europe, according to the latest research from the World Health Organisation!
What the fuck is wrong with them? Don't they know they have a proud tradition to maintain? To be overtaken by the likes of Denmark and Greenland [Greenland for fucks sake!] is nothing short of national humiliation. Standards are definitely slipping since my day. Time was when the hip-flask was almost part of the school uniform. Nothing like a bracing snifter or three before an exam?
There is bad news too on the smoking front. A seven percent drop over four years in the number of kids smoking? That is nothing short of catastrophic! What are they thinking of? I sincerely hope they haven't been duped by all that shit the Anti-Smokers pump out. Or there again, maybe they are just lying through their teeth [“never touch ’em” says the ten year old as he lights up his next fag from the previous stub]? That must be it. Maybe things aren't so bad after all.
Things seem to be a bit better on the shagging front, though they aren't giving so much detail here. There seems to be fifty percent more boys at it than girls, which means there are quite a few slags around? Bulgaria seems to be the place to be though.
There's one good thing about this report and no one can deny it.
If smoking and drinking rates are so far down [and it’s the cardinals of the Church of Health who are saying it] then there is no further need for Alcohol Concern, ASH or any of those other purse-lipped cunts in their fake charities.
They can all rev up and fuck off over a cliff.