This is getting really confusing.
For thousands of years mankind has been slugging alcohol. Even birds and animals get in on the act. It has been proven to improve health and longevity, and indeed has been used in medicine for countless generations. It is part of nature.
Then they said it was bad for us.
Then they said it was good for us.
Now the fuckers are saying it's so bad that there is no safe level of alcohol.
No safe level? Fuck me! Someone had better tell all those birds and animals? Next they will say that it is as addictive as cocaine and worse than smoking? There does seem to be a bit of rivalry between the smoking, the drinking and the obesity lobbies as to which is higher on the league tables of "the most preventable cause of death"?
Even more confusing, they are now giving out to us oldies for overindulging. Apparently there is an increase in over 65s being admitted to hospital because of the Demon Drink.
I don't get this one at all. Are us Wrinklies suddenly taking to the bottle on retirement and pickling our livers in the process? Is there some kind of time trigger that all old folk are destined for the gutter once they turn 65 and partake of a drop of alcohol? Is there perhaps some kind of metabolic reaction between grey hair and alcohol? One way or another we seem to be drinking dangerously high levels of alcohol [as if it is any of their fucking business].
But why are they telling us this? To pickle or bodies and brains we would have to have had many years of indulgence before we reach 65, so telling us now is a bit fucking late? Or is this aimed at the younger generations as a warning to them what will happen if they imbibe too much? That's a non runner as they couldn't give a shite about their future as it will never happen to them. Everyone knows you're immortal until you hit the three score years and five.
One little point they may have overlooked is that those of us who are fond of a wee dram can hit top gear when we retire. No need to worry about hangovers as we don't have to get up in the morning. We don't have to dream up excuses for pulling a sickie. Our time is entirely our own and if we want to stay in bed all day then we don't have to answer to anyone. Most of us have worked for over forty years and we deserve to let our hair down if we so wish.
Why do I have the feeling that sooner or later someone is going to come up with the idea of culling us on our 65th birthday? Maybe they already have and this is the salami slice effect taking hold? Think of the advantages they will scream. No need for pensions. No need to worry about dementia or cancers. Turn all the old folks' homes into vegan restaurants. No more doddery old folk clogging the queues in the supermarket or the post office. The list is endless.
Mark my words, someone will soon enough suggest it.
I need a drink.