It was a beautiful day yesterday.
I decided the grass was looking a bit scruffy, so first I got out the trusty strimmer to do the edges and then wheeled out the tractor.
I was in great form. The birds were singing [well, I assume they were singing because the old tractor makes a fair racket]. The smell of fresh cut grass and minced dog-shit filled the air. The sun beamed down and all was right with the world.
My great form didn't last long.
I realised that there was a bloke standing on the lawn and Penny was dancing rings around him. with her teeth bared so he couldn't move any further. I wasn't sure if it was one of the neighbours so I stopped the tractor.
He was canvassing for the elections and had let himself in around the back of the house. Cheeky cunt.
I told him I wasn't interested as all politicians were despicable self serving cunts but that didn't phase him so I let him continue with his spiel while I enjoyed the sun and the break from the mowing.
He asked why I had such a low opinion of politicians. I told him because they had destroyed the country and were only interested in serving themselves, their pals, bug business and the EU. He got huffy and assured me that they were taking things seriously now and that the country was recovering. I told him that was great consolation for those whose families had emigrated or who had lost family members through suicide. That shut him up for a moment.
He came back on the attack and claimed that politicians really did represent the public and I was being unfair. I asked him why the smoking ban had been brought in. He said for the sake of public health. I said no, that he misunderstood me and asked him if the public had demanded it or had the government just been listening to a minority of prod-nosed joyless bastards who thought they knew better than the rest of us. He answered by saying that it was "the previous lot" who had brought in the ban. I could see he was getting worried.
He then launched into a wee speech about how the housing market was recovering again for the first time in years. I politely told him that that was because the gubmint were giving financial incentives, and that they were doing their best to start another boom despite the fact that the last one had destroyed the country. He countered by saying that prices were only rising in Dublin. I countered by saying it was hardly a recovery then, was it.
He decided to change tack and started praising the EU and all they had done for us. Like banning proper light-bulbs and imposing water charges, I asked.
He gave up.
He said he would leave me to my mowing and made for the front gate.
I gave him a five second start because that tractor is damned fast in top gear.
The garden looks beautiful now. All the weeds have been strimmed. I can now hear the birds bursting their lungs. The smell of fresh cut grass mixed with the scent off the apple blossom is heavenly. The sun is splitting the rocks.
Pity about that stain near the front gate though.