It finally happened.
I knew it was inevitable, but I am just surprised that it lasted this long.
Our central heating finally blew up.
It was quite spectacular in the end.
It started by making a lot of noise – somewhat akin to waves breaking on a shingle beach, interspersed with rattles and bangs that made the house shake. Then it started spraying water all around the airing cupboard where most of the dials, valves, pumps and whathaveyous live. Naturally the water sprayed into the electrics which caused some nice fireworks which in turn wasn't very good for the clothes that are also in there but luckily the spraying water put the fire out.
You know what comes next.
You have read about Fukushima and seen The China Syndrome?
The pumps stopped, the water level dropped and the rods were exposed.
My entire central heating system including my immersion heater is, as I type, melting its way down through the Earth's crust and should emerge somewhere off the south coast of Australia anytime soon. Maybe it will find that missing aircraft?
So now we have no heating.
Frankly that doesn't bother me. If there ain't ice on the inside of the windows then I'm quite happy, but Herself feels the cold [she calls it freezing when I call it not quite as warm as yesterday]. It's a sorry state when a couple is so incompatible? The one good thing about this system failure is that I'm no longer going to sit pouring sweat in the evenings and having to take regular trips into the garden to cool off a bit.
I phoned the International Atomic Agency Commission about my problem but they say they can't come out to fix things until the end of the week.
I suppose I'll just have to hope it doesn't snow in the meantime.
And if any Australians are reading this – can I have my heating back please?