I know it’s sort of traditional for us old folk to mutter about modern music but……
One of the houses down the road held a barbecue the other night and they obviously kitted the place out with gigantic speakers. The racket was unbelievable, insane and utterly horrible.
I don’t mind music, but the racket I was subjected to cannot be classed as music. It was just a repetitive thump, thump thump [2.5 beats per second] accompanied by a repetitive staccato series of toneless chords and a “voice” singing endlessly repetitive nonsense through some kind of noise distorter.
The formula for this shit is as follows. First create an electronic thumping rhythm [2.5 beats per second]. Next hit a chord on an electronic keyboard three times, followed by two rapid thumps of a second chord. Repeat ad infinitum. Now record a voice uttering something utterly meaningless, and distort it until it hurts. Play the distorted voice over the thumping, and you have it. The result is guaranteed to excite the yoof and drive the rest of us who have an ear for real music into a state of terror and delirium.
This racket went on for a couple of hours. Shutting the doors and windows did little to attenuate the racket. Each track was as unrelentingly ghastly as the previous. It made my ears bleed. I had to do something.
The rest of the evening was beautiful – peace and quiet with only the occasional coo from a wood-pigeon.
After the sirens on the ambulances and the fire brigade had gone, of course.