You think I am a cantankerous old bastard?
Let me hand you over to TheZAP for a little guest post……
This began as a rant in my own head, developed into a tongue lashing for a paid operative on the phone lines of a Semi-State company, and matured into a warning for home owners all over this Potato Republic of ours.
While the poor girl on the phone is still reeling, I thought I’d share this facts with you. If like me, you receive regular bills from our Electricity Supply Board, (or whatever they are calling themselves now), then you probably get their invoices regularly, have a look at the bottom line and wonder how you used so much electricity in the two month period. Well, here is the rub. You didn’t.
An invoice, like your ESB bill, is sent to you by a provider of a product or service to you, the purchaser. The invoice establishes an obligation on the part of the purchaser to pay, creating an account receivable. So, the ESB offer you electricity on demand, and you pay for it as you use it, right. ?
By way of explanation, let me detail an ESB bill received in this neighbourhood recently, because the devil is in the detail. The actual property is a vacant cottage in East Cork that is falling down, so the total amount is only €27.77 for the two months, during which time, there was not a single visit to this distressed pile. Nobody switched on a light nor plugged in an appliance. One can only assume that there is an “electricity leak” somewhere, but I digress.
What is most interesting though, is that it leaked €1.78 of actual electricity. or 6% of the amount demanded by the ESB on this bill. If you didn’t get that, I’ll repeat it. Six per cent of the invoice from the electricity supplier is for electricity. !! So, 94% of this bill, is ah….. not for electricity from the Electricity Supply Board. The guy who reads the meter didn’t do the garden, nor paint the exterior because the meter was not read at all. Aha ! you say, it was just an overestimate then. Well no. This over-estimated amount of €6.37 was credited on the next bill when the owner read the meter and informed the ESB. So, what in Jesus name, was 94% of the bill for, you must be thinking.
Well, there’s a standing charge for 57 days at €0.2893 per day. A “Standing Charge”, they say. Our forefathers paid for the ESB infrastructure years ago, including the generating stations, telegraph poles and all of the salaries at the time. The cottage is standing, barely, the meter man never came out and stood there, so that can’t be it. Nobody in the recent past has had to stand up in the cottage and switch on a light either. So what in God’s name, is this charge for. I neither ordered anything nor got anything, and all I want from the bastards is some electricity when I need it. But, when I don’t need it, I don’t want a bill either. I want them to fuck off and leave me alone. I have the same relationship with shops.
There’s a “Men’s Outfitters” in town and once or twice a year, I pop in there for ten minutes and stock up on everything new I will need to wear for next year. They don’t send me a standing charge every two months in the meantime for just being there, do they. ? But, the ESB bill get’s better. Are you sitting down. ? There is another item entitled “Standing Charge Low Usage”. This takes the biscuit altogether. In these times when we are being urged to cut down on omissions, the ESB are penalizing me for not getting them to burn enough fossil fuels to make electricity for me. I kid you not. I disappointed the bastards and didn’t burn enough electricity, so they fined me for it. And, they intend to fine each time I disappoint them too.
So, when you factor in the standing charge, the penalty for not helping to destroy the planet and the contribution to the CEO’s pension plan I suppose, 94% of the bill, is for fuck all. And of course, the Government wants a further 23% on top of that fuck all, for doing fuck all for me also. I’m paying to get fucked. !! A sort of reverse engineering of prostitution, only I’m the innocent party.
So, I urge you all. The next time you get a “utility bill”, particularly if it comes from the fucking ESB, check the detail. They are a bunch of scam artists and deserve no respect from us at all, the bastards. Like ‘Eircom’, the Telecoms provider, with their fixed line rental charge, they are doing it because they believe they can get away with it. ! And they do, because you are paying it, you fucking ejits. !
Just as a little footnote, and to cheer TheZAP up a bit, Eirtricity are now adding a surcharge onto their bills. Why? The price rises are due to a significant increase in costs related to recovering debt.
In other words, those who pay their bills on time are being penalised simply because they pay on time.