I received a letter yesterday.
Well, it wasn’t so much a letter as an email.
I get a lot of emails but this one was slightly different from the run of the mill Russian women trying to marry me [I’m already married and one is more than enough, thanks very much] or requests for links to their gambling sites.
So what was different about this one?
Well, it from the EU for a start. And no, I don’t mean that it came from someone in Europe; it came from the EU itself. Their email address was a bit of a giveaway – it was from some woman @ec.europa.eu.
My first reaction was they were probably going to sue me for saying that they are all a shower of failed abortions, but I was wrong.
They want my expertise. Finally the EU has realised that I am a power to be reckoned with and they want me to meet them so we can discuss the challenges facing the Irish Economy. Apparently they want me to meet up with journalists, academics, politicians, and business people to sort out the mess. I’m not sure which tag they are inviting me under. I’m no longer a business person and I am definitely not a politician. Nor am I a mere journalist so they must think I’m an academic, which is pretty much spot on.
I wrote back and asked for a helicopter to be laid on to get me there [I know how they like to spend as much as possible on everything], but for some strange reason they declined my request.
Anyway they can go fuck themselves.
They should know I’m rarely out of the bed before midday.