There seems to be some confusion about events tomorrow.
Tomorrow is of course the End of the World, just in case you haven’t heard.
Now the world isn’t just going to end with a spectacular bang, so anyone who has been looking forward to a nice fireworks display will be disappointed. In fact The End starts on a very low-key note, and the only thing that will happen is for all the graves to open, and the dead shall arise as the un-dead. They will all be given new bodies [which is just as well, because most of ‘em are just little piles of dust at the moment] and then shipped off to Heaven. I would advise everyone to buy gas-masks for this, as I would imagine the stench will be pretty horrific. All this is to happen at six in the evening [local time], so if you happen to be near a graveyard at that time and see some strange goings on, then don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Once all the Zombies have been shipped skywards, then it is the turn of the Faithful. Those of us who have led good lives will be plucked from whatever we are doing and will also be bundled onto the nearest Ryanair flight to heaven. So if any of you are watching a favourite television programme, I would advise you to record it as you may be plucked before the programme ends and it would be a shame to spend eternity wondering how the episode ended.
Once the last flight for that bunch has departed, the fun and games really begin.
The next 153 days are going to be an endless succession of earthquakes, volcanoes, Jedward concerts and other horrific tortures for the unfaithful, all leading up to the Grand Finale on October the 21st when the Universe will cease to exist. Fortunately I have booked our French holiday for September so there should be no disruption there.
So that’s it. That’s the timetable so you can make plans accordingly.
In case I don’t talk to you tomorrow, I hope you have a nice trip skywards, or that you enjoy the horrors of the aftermath.
I’ll see you on the other side.