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The Last Post

Head Rambles Posted on by

There seems to be some confusion about events tomorrow.

Tomorrow is of course the End of the World, just in case you haven’t heard.

Now the world isn’t just going to end with a spectacular bang, so anyone who has been looking forward to a nice fireworks display will be disappointed. In fact The End starts on a very low-key note, and the only thing that will happen is for all the graves to open, and the dead shall arise as the un-dead.  They will all be given new bodies [which is just as well, because most of ‘em are just little piles of dust at the moment] and then shipped off to Heaven.  I would advise everyone to buy gas-masks for this, as I would imagine the stench will be pretty horrific.  All this is to happen at six in the evening [local time], so if you happen to be near a graveyard at that time and see some strange goings on, then don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Once all the Zombies have been shipped skywards, then it is the turn of the Faithful.  Those of us who have led good lives will be plucked from whatever we are doing and will also be bundled onto the nearest Ryanair flight to heaven.  So if any of you are watching a favourite television programme, I would advise you to record it as you may be plucked before the programme ends and it would be a shame to spend eternity wondering how the episode ended.

Once the last flight for that bunch has departed, the fun and games really begin.

The next 153 days are going to be an endless succession of earthquakes, volcanoes, Jedward concerts and other horrific tortures for the unfaithful, all leading up to the Grand Finale on October the 21st when the Universe will cease to exist. Fortunately I have booked our French holiday for September so there should be no disruption there.

So that’s it.  That’s the timetable so you can make plans accordingly.

In case I don’t talk to you tomorrow, I hope you have a nice trip skywards, or that you enjoy the horrors of the aftermath.

I’ll see you on the other side.

 

Comments

The Last Post — 42 Comments

  1. I feel pretty much the same, thanks for the clip though, its one of my favorites

  2. What’s this “Those of us who have led good lives” shit ??
     
    Are you so sure the man up there has NOT read your blog ? If he has, well, you know you are f u c k e d !!

  3. CAT – That video is one of his best.  Are you booked on an early flight or are you going to hang around until October?

  4. Do you know if anyone who is on the first flight who will sell me his house/car/gold for 1€ before he goes ?

  5. Mossy – Yer Man up there and myself are on great terms, and he is a fan of this site, so I have my ticket.  It’s a pity he never sticks in a comment or two.  Mind you, he did once comment on my Testimonials page.

    A Grandad – That’s a good point.  If I hear of anyone, I won’t let you know.  Heh!

  6. I’m still going on holiday tomorrow, it was booked months ago and there’s no refund for late cancellation, besides the Missus doesn’t believe it and said even if it is true we can go on Sunday instead.

  7. Patrick – You have yourself a Wise Woman there.  Have a good holiday, and I hope it isn’t spoiled by the zombies.

  13. I think you are all taking this far too lightly. The sun is just a big candle and it is going to burn out sooner or later. So it makes perfect sense to prepare for the final extinguishment. Right! so here’s the deal; since you obviously can’t take it with you I suggest that you assign all your goods and assets to my storage locker which is both fireproof and guarded by highly trained para-military merceneries who are certified immune to the rapture. When it’s all over I will return your property, minus a modest storage fee, and we can all laugh about this foolishness. Sounds good, doesn’t it ????

  14. The video clip is brilliant Grandad. I hadn’t seen it before. (Remember I live across the sea and far away, we don’t get nearly enough Rowan Atkinson here).
    Grew up with my Dad in the Army so I appreciated the title too. (I’ll let everyone else comment on the content. Personally I’m finding this endless topic of the end of the world stuff a little boring. Imagine what a face I will make tomorrow if the undead do ascend to heaven!)

  15. The local station has predicted rain on Sunday but no earthquakes or volcanoes. Guess they’re wrong, huh?

  16. Paulo – Indeed I am taking this business very seriously as I have done with every End of Days prediction for the last forty or fifty years.  I think my goods and chattels are solidly nailed down enough so much as it pains me, I shall forgo your kind offer.

    Denise – Indeed it is getting a tad repetitious.  You would think by now they would have given up?  There again, soon or later they have to be right?  Heh!

    Kirk M – Your local station is just playing a looped tape.  They know it’s going to be raining in your neck of the woods, whether the world ends or not.

  17. OK Breathe Again…..  it’s 18:03 here and there’s no sign of the ‘end of the world’.
    I’m off to walk the dog.

  18. I have my ear to the ground. I can’t hear any rumbles. No one getting out of coffins or earthquakes yet.

  20. “They know it’s going to be raining in your neck of the woods, whether the world ends or not.”
     
    Ain’t that the truth.

  21. OMG. The Merkins really come up with some aweful shite. Check this one out.
    http://2012-survival-guide.com/?vsa=y

    If there’s any truth in this one, then there’s nothing you can do but die. Unless of course you’ve beaten me to B&Q for DIY rocket parts in the plumbing section. Amazing what you can do with some copper pipes, plywood, string, superglue and 6 inch nails. It’ll be a blast…..

  22. All quiet here, so far.  I thought I saw a zombie in the garden just now.  It was an horrific apparition – wild sunken eyes, wearing stinking old rags and uttering chilling noises.  Turned out to be Herself though.

  23. Over indulgence in Mariettas can be a terrible affliction. They say the addiction is worse than that of the drug addict. Afflictees are known to roam Tesco’s, nationwide, at half an hour before closing time when the specials all come out of hiding. They then pounce like wild animals, tearing at clothes and limbs to be the possessors of as many of the little red packets as they can carry. Not Pretty.

  24. Oh sweet fuck!  I have just been browsing Slab’s link above.  That is the trouble with the Interweb – it gives all these knuckledraggers a platform, and of course all the in-breds read it and believe it.  There are holes so fucking big in that site’s arguments that you could sail the entire Merkan Navy through them.

  27. Jayzus but that’s a deadly looking weapon.  I think I would take my chances here on solid ground.  Only 25 minutes to go……..

  29. Only 25 minutes? I better get some lunch then. I’d hate to be Raptured on an empty stomach.

  32. You’re too late, Slab.  The Rapture has started [it’s after six].  I assume it’s the rapture anyway – it has started to rain….

  33. Its okay, Still here, Rocket useless. I hav’ta ask for my car back, reopen my Bank Accounts. Anyone got a spare house?
    Only 579 days to go till 21 12 2012. I’ll get that rocket going by then

  34. @Slab – Have you made sure both port and starboard power couplings are in phase? If they are and the dilithium chamber is at full power then at the main engineering console all you have to do is hit that big red button that’s labeled “Go baby, Go!”.

  35. “that big red button that’s labeled “Go baby, Go!””   Damn!  I always thopught that was for flusing the toilet?

  36. Yeah, but the red button mine says M&M’s. I don’t know it I should push it or suck it.

  37. “I don’t know it I should push it or suck it.”  Phone the IMF.  They’ll know.

  39. Well it’s now 1800 eastern and no no zombies here.  Though it might be the end of the world…it didn’t rain here today.  First time in weeks.

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