Five months to go
I was down in the village yesterday and thought I would call in to Doc, as he owed me some poker winnings.
“Seeing as I’m here” says I to Doc, “I have noticed I have put on a lot of weight in the last couple of months.”
“You don’t look any heavier?” Doc doesn’t believe in new technology such as weighing scales.
I stood sideways and relaxed my stomach muscles.
“Ah! Yes. I see what you mean.” He thought for a moment. “You say this came on in the last couple of months?”
“Yup.”
“Have you been in your flowers lately?” he asked.
“What the fuck are you on about?”
“The Curse” he replied. “Have you noticed an absence of The Curse lately?”
“No. She’s still at home where she always is.”
“No, no, no. I mean your Period. Have you had a Period in the last couple of months?”
“No.” I wasn’t going to confuse things by telling him I had never had one.
“That’s it then” he said with a beaming smile. “You’re pregnant! Congratulations.”
I really wonder about Doc.
He knows I’m too old for that.
“Should have gone to SpecSavers” !!!!
Sounds like your Doc is one of thoes overpaid HSE Fuckwits.
Fuckin typos….THOSE
I confess I sometimes have slight doubts about Doc’s qualifications. The doubts usually arise when he is absent from his surgery because he is on a farm somewhere treating a sick animal.
I met a lad recently who’d been to the Doc. Said he’d swollowed €2. Doc asked him, was there any change. Fuckin HSE Doctors. I’m going to the local Vet. He’ll see me straight away and he lets me play with his Pussys.
Was it a Sheep Farm he was treating the ‘sick animal’ on?
My dog, (on right) ‘Spot’, would sort that bugger out.
Oh! That’s your dog? I thought you looked a bit strange. Doc does all the farms around here so it could be sheep, cattle or goats. The only real problem I have with Doc is that he seems to think that castration solves a lot of problems.
Thats what the Vet thinks too. Have to watch him closely. And yes its my Dog. I have the opposite hair problem. Solar panel too.
MeThinks there is a pending need to start a “Name the little GD bugger” contest. Grandad JR. will not be my choice.
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window…
He tells her to take off her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
“Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?
“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”
She replies, “Yes, getting herpes – that’s why I am here!”
Another HSE Doctor………..
*groan* What the fuck have I started?
Thar be Monsters…….Capn…
Yes but did you get your poker winnings?
I suspected my quack when he checked my prostrste – all through the examination he had two hands on my shoulders.
Excellent Slab.