Last week, I mentioned that a close friend had died.

The bugger has come back to life again.  I get really annoyed when that happens, as I am never sure if it is total remission, a temporary reprieve or just taking the piss.  That fucker Lazarus has a lot to answer for.

Roger seems to be back to his old form – still trying to kill me whenever I drive near a precipice, and still mispronouncing places.  I don’t mind his mispronouncing Irish or French names but the fecker can’t even say the word ‘road’ without hiccupping in the middle of it.

When I am out and about and far from home I rely on Roger about 90% of the time.  I don’t follow his directions blindly otherwise I would be dead by now, but apart from his sadistic humour, I need him to show me the way.  The question then arises as to whether I can trust him any more.  I don’t want him to die the death just as I set my tyres on a foreign shore.  I think an upgrade may be necessary.

I had a look for a replacement SatNav of the same type, but of course it isn’t made any more.  Why the fuck can’t they design something that will be around for more than five minutes?  These days, if I buy something, take it out of the shop and bring it back in again two minutes later I would be greeted with a sharp intake of breath and a greeting of ‘I’m sorry but we don’t sell that model any more’.  Tossers.

I had a look at the modern alternatives and quite liked what I saw.  For some strange reason they seem to have stopped producing SatNavs that talk through the car’s sound system.  Everything else seems much the same.  The one I have my eye on has a new feature however.  It has voice recognition.

I quite fancy the idea of voice recognition.  It means I can control the yoke without having to take my hands off the wheel and my eyes off the road.  I have had a couple of near misses in the past through programming Roger while doing eighty on a back road.

Also the next time he tries to persuade me to drive off a cliff, it would give a warm glow of satisfaction to know that he could actually hear me tell him to go fuck himself.