Once again, we are into a Guest Spot. Once again, Willie has put pen to paper.
Over to you Willie……….
My Irish grandmother had this belief that if household items came up missing, they had been stolen by the “Wee people -the Leprechauns”. Now, from reading the tourist books, I have learned that one way to piss off the Irish folk is to ask where are the leprechauns? But, please read on, and I will piss off more than just the Irish readers.
Now my dear grandmother said that if we would, at night, put sharp knives on the floor, the Wee Ones would cut their feet and stopped stealing the items. When she drilled this notion into me, she was about my age. I know realize that the “Little People” became the scapegoats for creeping forgetfulness and simple mindedness that creeps its stealthy way into my life.
Here is a list of items that the “Little Green People” regularly steal.
- Cell phone (thank God, I leave it on so Miss Pat can call it from her phone)
- TV remote
- The bottle opener (this is a real problem when I face one of those brews with no twist-off top)
- My home (coming home from the pub)
- Words, like Miss Pat’s name or any of above items
- Memory, for things I should remember
- My notebook where I have written down what I need to remember
- My pen to write down what I should remember
- To write down what I need to remember
- Miss Pat’s birthday and our anniversary (I really need help with this one)
- To take Chile Dog out when her eyes cross
- Take a pee in time
- Change my undies after I don’t remember above item.
- Anything else I should remember to include in this list.
Now , here is what I want to forget- SARA PALIN!
I WANT THE LITTLE PEOPLE TO SNEAK INTO ALASKA, STEAL HER, AND HIDE HER SOME WHERE IN AN UNFOUND HIDE-AWAY IN, LET’S SAY, IRELAND.
To back up my request, what follows is a selection of quotes from Palin. Need I say more?
“As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border.” — Attempting to describe her international qualifications.
“The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.” –- In a message posted on Facebook about Obama’s health care plan, Aug. 7, 2009
“All of ’em, any of ’em that have been in front of me over all these years.” — Unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008
“Well, let’s see. There’s ― of course in the great history of America there have been rulings that there’s never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but ―” –Unable to name a Supreme Court decision she disagreed with other than Roe vs. Wade, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008
“‘Refudiate,’ ‘misunderestimate,’ ‘wee-wee’d up.’ English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!’” –a Tweet sent in response to being ridiculed for inventing the word “refudiate,” proudly mistaking her illiteracy for literary genius, July 18, 2010
“But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.” — After being asked how she would handle the current hostilities between the two Koreas, interview on Glenn Beck’s radio show, Nov. 24, 2010
“We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. … We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation.” — Speaking at a fundraiser in Greensboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008
“[T]hey’re in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.” — Getting the vice president’s constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008 (Watch video clip)
“Blood libel” was the term S. Palin used to describe the media commentators who questioned her use of cross-hairs on a map of Democratic lawmakers who she wanted defeated in the last national elections. (01/12/2011)
I rest my case.