We booked our holiday house on the Interweb.

There were many things going for it, such as a fair price, a good location, and they said that a dog was welcome.  However the main reason we booked it was because it didn’t say “no smokers”.  We booked through an agent and I was a bit wary as the advertisement said “a small dog”.  I rang the agent and explained that Sandy wasn’t what you might call ‘small’.  She contacted the owners, and eventually I received the contract which clearly stated “Okayed a collie dog with the owner”.  Grand.  All was set.

We found the place without any problems.  I had phoned the owner and his instructions were excellent. He even said his father, Dinjo would call in to welcome us after we arrived.

The first thing we noticed was that there were ashtrays in abundance in every room.  Civilisation does still exist if you look for it.  All in all it was a lovely house with a beautiful garden.

A couple of hours after we arrived, there was a knock on the door.  Dinjo had arrived.

He introduced himself, and I introduced myself.  It’s only polite.

Then Sandy came to see the visitor.

Dinjo’s face clouded over.  He had been very pleasant and friendly at first but now I was getting a glimpse of the bollix beneath the surface.

“We only accept small dogs” he snarled.  “That’s not a small dog.”

I don’t like my Sandy being referred to as ‘that’, but I let it pass in the interests of cordiality.

“Your son was informed we had a collie and is quite happy” I replied somewhat frostily.

“Big dogs are a curse.  They shed hairs everywhere.”  I could see he didn’t believe me, and if there is one thing that really pisses me off it’s being called a liar.

“She’s very quiet and obedient” I said. 

“Hmph” said Dinjo.

“Sit” I said to Sandy. Sandy sat.

“She has to be confined to the kitchen” said Dinjo.

“Give the paw” I said to Sandy.  Sandy offered her paw to Dinjo.

“That dog is going to be shedding hairs everywhere” said Dinjo.

“Kill” I said to Sandy.

Luckily there is a wee bog next to the property, and it wasn’t even mentioned in the advertisement.