A Guide to DIY
From the day I started work in RTE back in ‘71, I began counting down the days to my retirement.
Was it the fantastic pension I was looking for, you ask? No.
Was it the freedom from work, you ask? No.
It was the promise of a free RTE Guide.
Every week one plops through the letterbox and I now have quite a pile of plastic wrapped copies. [You didn’t think I’d read it did you?]
Anyway, a fit of madness took me last night and I opened the latest edition for next week. It was purely because Laura Whitmore is on the back cover and I fancied a wank bit of intellectual stimulation.
Laura Whitmore
Holy sweet flying fuck!
Everywhere I look it’s fucking football.
I dread this shagging World Cup, but I always forget just how bad it is. Wall to wall fucking football. And the non-football programmes all have little notes attached – program liable to be cancelled depending on football results.
Is the world gone totally mad?
The RTE Guide has gone in the bin [minus the back cover, of course].
I’m off for a bit of privacy.
good auld Laura.
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WORLD CUP
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FUCK YOU
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
USA V ENGLAND TOMORROW
YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WATCH IT Y’AULD SOD
You saiid: It was purely because Laura Whitmore is on the back cover and I fancied a
wankbit of intellectual stimulation.Ah, a man after my own intellect. (Pic duly d/loaded onto my harddrive.)
Its alright for you Grandad ..
You only have to survive the World Cup .. whereas, no sooner is that load of pointless bollix over .. than we have to endure fucking “Wombledon” & the incessant, juvenile tantrums of that all-round cock-trumpet Andy Murray ..
Count your blessings mate …
Seen elsewhere:
Each game = 22 millionaires ruining a lawn.
I hate football and I probably hate the World cup even more but I’m in a bit of a quandry about tomorrow.
I can’t decide if I would rather see England lose or the United States.
A goal-less draw would be alright I suppose.
Johnie – Never heard of her before. Is she supposed to be famous?
TT – Fuck off outa that.
BigYin – Do you want the scanned original? It’s much bigger. I’m sure I could easily peel it off my bedroom ceiling.
Haddock – You forget how closely tied Irish and UK television is? We get Wimblington as well. At least it isn’t quite as hysterical.
Tom – Heh! And a fucking expensive lawn at that?
Robert – Quite honestly I couldn’t give a flying fuck who is playing tomorrow and couldn’t give a shite if either or both teams are abducted by aliens.
Mister Fuckin’ Happy Head.
Aw, cheer up TT. Go strangle a cute little kitten. You’ll feel much better. Honest.
Sharon will be jealous.
You want to know how bad this world cup thing is? They’re showing the matches on a giant screen set-up outside of city hall here in SAN FRANCISCO. Now we’ve really gone mad.
Fuck, that girl is cute.
Indeed, I had forgotten Grandad ..
I should, of course know better .. the methdology of control is universal ..
Keep the male proles “happy” with Football .. the females with “Soaps” …
Well, I have news .. fuck ’em all .. because I have no interest in & don’t watch either ..
PS .. You might at least have had the good grace to post the centre-fold of Laura thingummybob .. 😉
Just endured England v USA with a load mostly made up of English. They weren’t happy. The only consolation was that there were no Scots present to rub it in. The Irish present were too dignified. (And anyway, there was nothing we could say to make them feel worse.)
Though now I think of it, maybe we should have stuck the boot in. The party was after a first Holy Communion in England. During the service the priest asked if there were any Irish in the congregation. He then slagged us off for not qualifying and brandished an England shirt. Smug arse. Not so smug after the game I bet.
blackwatertown ..
You should have pissed in his font .. or wiped your arse on his hymnals .. 😉
I have tried and tried time and time again to understand the appeal of football. I even went to an Ireland match! Christ it is boring.