Going through the motions — 12 Comments

  1. Chances are at youir age you will do your final poo before it’s full. If not they will pump it out.

  2. a friend of mine has a compost toilet. it literally is that. you have a normal seat, and under it is a bucket. you do your business, wipe with toilet paper if necessary (and dump it in the bucket), then you reach your hands into another bucket next to the toilet one which is full of compost, and use that to cover what you’ve done.

    when the toilet bucket is full, you bring it out back and dump it on your usual compost heap.

    I guess it gets interesting when you have to fill up an empty compost bucket… does the fresh compost come from the heap you just basically shat into, or do you leave that heap for a year or two to “de-smell” and use one you’ve already left alone for a while?
    .-= Kae Verens´s last brainfart .. ToDo =-.

  3. I think Kae is on to something, can you get Herself to dump in the backyard? That will cut input by, what 75-80%?

    Otherwise you will be sitting on your glorious throne huffing and puffing to expel the most glorious turd, flush and you will rise on a fountain of shit higher than the glorious trees.


  4. TT – I can leave it as a glorious legacy for my offspring.  I wonder how I should word it in my will?

    Kae – I’m not sure about this lark of emptying buckets all the time.  I have enough of a job getting Herself to rinse out the saucepan she keeps under the bed.  She knows damn well that I need it for cooking, but I still have to nag her.

    Sixty – You could be on to something there.  There is a grand bed of nettles behind the shed she could use.  Mind you, your description of my impending doom sounds pretty impressive.  Quite a spectacular way to go?

  5. So my friend’s mother finally decided it was time she got someone to look at the septic tank at her home, a cottage up a hill in Wales. Beautiful setting. Fields. Lovely stream gurgling near the house.
    Her late husband had dug out the septic tank when he had built the cottage and sorted all septic tank business over the years. Now he was gone, she wanted a man in to check, in case it had filled up again.
    So, it was arranged. He came. He looked. But no extraction appeared to be taking place.
    He came up to the kitchen door to explain to my friend’s mum that her septic tank was as clean, empty and virginal as the day her late husband had built it.
    It turns out he’d never got round to connecting it and no-one had caught on. Meanwhile their decades of shit had been going straight into the lovely burbling brook.

  6. Blackwatertown, your friend’s parents had the right idea – share the shit – and now she has an extra room to rent out if she needs some spare cash…

  7. “your friend’s parents had the right idea – share the shit – and now she has an extra room to rent out if she needs some spare cash” …

    For god’s sake don’t allow this to reach the ears of certain East European people .. they’re already living in folks garden sheds in Peterborough .. and once in, you can’t shift ’em …

    There was even a pair who broke into a blokes house whilst he was out & were in the process of dumping his stuff on the lawn .. when he came home to collect his forgotten wallet ..

    Don’t say you weren’t warned ..

  8. Maybe that’s what is wrong [right] with mine?  Maybe I forgot to connect it?  But how do I check?  I can assure you, I am not going to climb down into it, just in case…..

  9. Haddock – There is a very simple solution [sic] to that potential problem.  If they move in, just connect the piping properly.  I doubt even Eastern Europeans would tolerate that?  There again…..?

  10. Oh crap! (Sorry) I hope you had your fingers crossed and were touching wood while writing this post, Gramps. In my experience, the minute you start thinking about these things, they go spectacularly wrong. So don’t expect sympathy if you see a geyser of shit erupting in your backyard any minute now. You brought it on yourself.

    On a more serious note, we have no less than two septic tanks here on the old homestead in the colonies. They both empty into tiled septic beds (which are easily located by the spectacular green-ness of the grass above them.) The tanks only need attention if something goes wrong – a blockage or the pipe crumbles, which can happen when you get temperatures plunging (sorry again) past the minus 30s. In 20 years here, we’ve only needed to have them pumped once. The honey truck had a very long hose, which snaked all the way from the road in front of the house to the backyard, so your trees shouldn’t be a problem (unless their roots start messing with the tank itself.)
    .-= Tessa´s last brainfart .. Sticks and stones =-.

  11. A couple of gallons of paraffin & a box of Swan Vestas should see you alright Grandad .. Lol

    That’s how we used to deal with the old Elsan thunderboxes in “the field” ..

    In the event of it all going horribly wrong .. just blame Methane & “Global warming” .. every other bugger does .. Ha ha ..

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