The news was on the television last night, but I had the sound turned down.
Yer Man – what’s his name – the black fella – Tiger Woods was shown strutting around and being interviewed.
I turned up the sound a bit to see what crime he had committed, and fuck me, but they were all talking in hushed reverent tones about him. He is making his first public appearance since his
minor major indiscretions were revealed.
So fucking what?
Here is a bloke who stuck his mickey in a few places where he shouldn’t and the missus caught him out. It’s all part of the great game of life. It goes on in every fucking parish in the world, so there is no startling news there.
What is Tiger Woods world famous for? Apart from having a stupid name, he is world famous for whacking a ball around a field with a fucking stick and for screwing a few waitresses! How daft is that? If he had discovered perpetual motion, or was the person who solved Fermat’s Last Theorem, then maybe I could just understand, but hitting a ball into a hole in the ground? Fuck off!! And now they are making a huge deal about his making a comeback?
During a press conference, he put on a meek doleful voice and said that from henceforth he was going to give a good example to people. What idiot is going to take example from a golfer? Is he the new Messiah? Is he the new spiritual leader of the world? I know we could badly do with one, but a fucking golfer? He needs to be taken down a peg or two.
I don’t even like him. He plays like an automaton, with no sense of playing a game, which is all it is. It’s not fucking rocket science. There is no art or talent involved – just a bit of practice.
I could beat him any day.
I can guarantee he can’t sail one of Sandy’s dried deposits through the neighbour’s window like I can.