Head Rambles antiquities
Head Rambles Manor is quite an old place.
It was built the best part of two hundred years ago, and was built in the traditional style. None of your concrete block or timber frame shit here – the house is constructed out of granite boulders.
The builders, or whatever they were, are gone now and the work is complete apart from a bit of decoration but I’ll tell you about that another day.
The place is just about back to normal, apart from some flood damage, a collapsed ceiling and the fact that we can’t use the jax or use electricity any more.
One aspect of the building has left me with a bit of a problem though. In the course of their shenanigans, they removed some of the original wall, and we now have these massive boulders lying around the place.
One of the boulders has caught my eye. It’s a huge rectangular slab of granite, which I think originally took the load from the roof, which explains why the slates are starting to slide down. It occurred to me that this slab would make a very attractive seat in the garden. I thought it would look nice with a boulder under each end to raise it, and with a bit of luck it could be mistaken for a Portal Dolmen which would mean we would be entitled to all sorts of grants from the National Museum.
My problem is how to shift it. The fucking thing must weigh nearly half a ton, and I don’t think Herself is up to carrying that kind of weight on her back. I am a very considerate husband and would never ask her to carry anything that a JCB might have trouble with.
I have to move it about a hundred yards. I thought of dragging it, but that would chew up what’s left of the lawn. I can’t roll it because it isn’t round. I can’t carry it. I’m stumped.
Were is Iron Age Man when you really need him?
Can you do that thing where you put round logs under it and then push it?? the logs would act like wheels, and when they came out the back end of the boulder just place them in front ready to take the load of the boulder again!
It’s still not an easy task and would require a fair bit ‘o pushing though.
You could also decide to have that delightful sounding garden seat 100 yards closer to Head Rambles manner and then Hay Presto, job done without lifting a finger!
Nothing that a medium sized hydraulic crane couldn’t take care of.
Funny, your manor and the old family farmhouse are nearly the same age (built in 1795) although the architectural types are vastly different from one another. Unfortunately all of the 1/2 ton granite blocks are under the house as part of the foundation. The neat thing about them is that these huge rectangular blocks were cut locally in the same quarry that’s still in business today.
I’d dare say that Head Rambles manor is probably in better shape than the old farmhouse is at present. It’s definitely in need of some major TLC.
Frank – I did consider that, but I don’t think I have enough rollers for that. I suppose I could always cut down a few trees for logs?
Kirk M – You haven’t seen the Manor after the builders did their bit!!!
What you need to do is to have it listed as a site of archaeological importance and then the NRA will designate your garden as a route for a new motorway – that would shift it.
I think that once you start doing things like cutting trees for logs to move the stone that fell from the house, you enter this kind of “there’s a hole in my bucket” scenario. It’s just not worth it.
As far as moving the stone goes i’m afraid the rest of my ideas involve either Time Travel, Elephants or time travelling elephants.
Get a gang of those Romanians you go on about. Put them to work. Or was it Bulgarians?
put a lock on it. sooner or later some south-side dubliner will try to steal it. with luck they’ll leave it where you wanted it.
disclaimer: I’m from south-side dublin – I know what I’m talking about.
btw: your popup re-editor thingummy is broken – seems to urlencode the text it pastes into the page. dontchakneu
You could hold a ROCK concert in your garden. We could all attend and get STONED.
If while at this concert we all put our collective strength together and managed to move the rock, we could call it a Rolling Stones Concert.
…
You see… thats what a day of studying does to the brain… worst. pun. ever
I always worry when the puns start to creep in.
I had another look at the rock this afternoon, and reckon that with about 2 Kg of Semtex strategically placed under the correct corner, I sould be able to land it in the right spot?
Kae – Sorry about the editor. It is working fine except when it breaks, which it does every now and then. It is a server problem rather than the plugin, methinks?
You could dig out the foundation of the house under the door, so that eventually the house will tip gently that way and the great stone will roll and/or slide out and land in the garden.
Or you could do like the ancient Irish saints did, and make friends with all the wee beasties so that they come and do it for you. Worked for Snow White (the film version), if I remember correctly.
Or, a few strong young handsome Druids might be able to heave it into position for you, and then you wouldn’t need to lie *too* much on your grant forms. Shall I send over a few of mine?
If not, well I’m out of ideas. Good luck with that bathroom situation.
2 or 3 days later
Did you ever get that stone moved?? which of the above fantastic suggestions got the job done?
I’m hoping that the answer does not contain the words “herself” and “severe back pain” in the same sentence!