I just had a knock on my door.
But I had better explain something first.
The builders next door apparently opened up an old septic tank yesterday. For those of you who are not familiar with these delightful things, they are large underground tanks that contain vast quantities of human shit. Bacteria eat the shit, and the relatively clear waste then soaks away. The bacteria form a scum on the surface, so they are usually relatively odourless.
After taking the lid off the septic tank, the builders buggered off.
Back to the knock on the door.
There was a bloke there, and he was filthy. Not only that, but he stank to high heaven.
"Is your dog around," he asked.
At that moment, Sandy came running around the side of the house. She took one sniff, yelped, and ran back around to the back garden again. I wanted to do the same.
Apparently, this bloke had just fished a dog out of the septic tank. It had fallen in at some stage, and was creating a stink. Literally.
They hauled it out and it ran away.
I took pity on the bloke and hosed him down.
But in the meantime, there is a dog on the loose. And he is nothing more than a mobile human turd on legs. He is dripping shit.
Presumably, he has run home for comfort.
So if you happen to find a very large shit licking itself on your bed, or your best couch, don’t be alarmed.
It’s your dog underneath.