Ideas wanted — 34 Comments

  1. Sign up to be a missionary they get extended holidays to warm tropical climates free digs and maybe some spending money

  2. Join the club about being penniless and bored.

    You have ads on your site? I never noticed! Probably because I have all ads blocked out on Firefox.

    Seans idea about becoming a missionary sounds like a good idea 😉

  3. Hi Grandad,
    I know how you feel. I’m unemployed at the moment and it’s wrecking my little head…but anyway.

    Your Google Ads aren’t in ‘hot’ positions. I use a plugin called Shylock Ads (great name eh) which can place Ads in your posts after they are X days old. This means that you’re targeting google referrals on archived posts instead of loyal readers on new posts. I love it 🙂

    As for a steadier income..
    Have you considered approaching any Newspapers about writing a column for them? Or maybe working as a pro blogger for an agony aunt type site?

  4. You could come and do my garden, Meals provided.

    The SUN IS SHINING here!

    Was that loud enough.

  5. They tried to sign me up as a missionary when I was at school. I didn’t fancy the idea then, and I don’t now. Too many mosquitoes. Though the idea of converting all the African Christians to Buddhism appeals a bit. I don’t know what Herself would have to say though.

    Robert – No wonder I’m skint. Unblock those ads AT ONCE.

  6. Cormac – I know my ads are in the worst possible place, but I just have a thing about ads cluttering up blogs. But I love the idea of Shylock Ads – I’ll look into it straight away…

    Does one approach newspapers, or does one wait to be approached? I don’t know of any newspapers that cater for mildly insane, incontinent old farts. Do you? I doubt they could stomach my style of writing for long!!

    Agony Aunt sites? I haven’t come across them. I am a great fan of Mrs Mills in the Sunday Times Style magazine. I would love to write like that.

  7. Dear Gentle Old Lady,

    You have several options open to you.

    You could convert the man and his wife to some religion that allows polygamy?

    Or you could just move in and tell his wife that she has had her turn?

    Or you could stop reading this blog and get over it!


  8. My heart pumps custard for you.

    Go and build a new room on your house or something. Write your magnum opus on the plaster and then wallpaper over it. Make it more interesting by drinking a bottle of Jamesons every day. That’s what I’d do.

  9. K8 – Your sympathy for my plight warms the cockles of my heart! You know I hate papering.

    A bottle of Jamesons a day sounds nice though….

    Grannymar – the only thing I like about wallpapering is stripping the old paper off, and finding all the obscenities I wrote last time.

  10. Well Grandad if you became a missionary for the scientologist you would be able to spend all your time in Hollywood as they seem most interested in converting rich stupid people.
    This would give you the added benefit of an nearly endless supply of blogging material…….just don’t let them catch you, they would probably send you for re-education

  11. Wow! I might even get a photo of what’shername with no knickers on!!
    That’s been done.

    I wouldn’t last five minutes in Hollywood – I have a natural aversion to brainless idiots who think they are wonderful.

    Jamesons and wallpaper paste? Mmmmm! Interesting concept. Lines the stomach and the whiskey stays stuck until the next drink of water?

  12. Grandad, put ads everywhere. Just make sure that they are psychedelic colours, so I’ll think I’m tripping or something worse!

    Google has bought me a few pints over the year that I’ve had them on me blog. 🙂

    If you want hellishly hot days, come to Merica. It has not rained here in over a month, and the average temperature has been around 36°C! It’s been hot and sticky!

    Global Warming – It’s a Conspiracy! 🙂

  13. You’ve broken something! I get a great big dirty PHP error at the top of your page.

    Something is wrong with your updated links plugin.

  14. Wooops! I don’t know what happened there?! It seems to be fixed now though.

    Many thanks Robert. 🙂

  15. You’re restless. A few ideas:

    1. Come to Boston. I will give you a free tour.
    2. Be a U.S. park ranger. You can live anywhere and they will pay you to wear a cute outfit. Lots of old people do it. You’ll fit right in.
    3. Bag groceries.
    4. Write your memoirs.

  16. Dumm dee dumm dee dumm. Bah dah bah dah bah dah. I’m bored now.

    See what you done?

  17. If you can get some Indonesian people smugglers to pop you in a container, you can come over and have a free holiday in a detention centre. Alternatively, raise the cash for the flight and I’ll give you a tent in the back paddock and let you use my shower and loo!

  18. If I could come up with an idea for getting paid doing something I really like, I think I would be doing it instead of the weekly drawl that I currently get embroiled in.

  19. Rhea – Thanks for those ideas. My brother-in-law, Paddy, lives in Boston beside the post office. Do you know him?
    I like the idea of being a park ranger, but you have bears there, don’t you? I don’t get on well with bears, as a rule.
    Bag groceries? I hate supermarkets….
    As for writing my memoirs – it’s all there in black and white on!

    Sneezy – Welcome to the club. Found anything to do yet?

    Baino – Technically, I can apply for a British passport, so surely I can skip the container bit? And raising the cash for the flight might be a problem. Herself has spent it all on floors and things. I might hitch a lift though?

    Dave – Thanks for that. I was wondering if anyone would see my little moment of fame.

  20. B3n – If you get paid for doing something you really like, then it becomes a job. and you’ll cease to like it. Sod’s Law!

  21. I’ve got an idea, Grandad. Forget the holiday. You could instead decide to turn every day into a cause for celebration. Just imagine all the fun you could have! – but don’t blame me if you get liver poisoning in the process. And with any luck, you’ll get to last a lot longer than the average holiday!

  22. Every day is a cause for celebration, Steph. Every day, I get nearer my full pension [I’m only on two-thirds pension at the moment – it’s a long story].

    I was going to celebrate today as it is the fist day of a mini summer. But the sky is grey, it looks like rain and I’m cold. I’ll celebrate tomorrow……

  23. Carpe diem – it might get you out of having the watch the 2nd half of that dreadful programme tonight!

  24. You could be a writer … hell, I’ll be doing sweet fuck all with myself in college – I’m only doing my repeats, I think – so I’m going to harass the campus newspapers into giving me a job.

    Or sending me to the ‘Joy. Either/or.

  25. Hi Daz,
    No chance. I don’t have the thingy to be a writer. I’d be the Thurber in the world of Constable and DaVinci.

    Best of luck with the repeats. Or if you take the other option, mention my name, and you’ll get a good cell.

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