A weirdness has descended upon the Manor.

The place is infested with bugs.

The first type of bug infected this site and for no apparent reason started informing all my trusted and loyal readers that they were spam and could they please fuck off.  I didn’t think that was very nice, and nor did my trusted and loyal readers.  I think I found the cause and have removed it and locked it in a bug-proof safe.  May I offer sincere apologies on behalf of the twats who fucked up my code.

The second type of bug is even more mysterious.

For the last couple of days a fly has been annoying the hell out of Penny.  Mind you, he hasn’t been endearing himself to me either as he seemed to think I was a sun and he was a planet and frequently orbited accordingly.  Really fucking annoying.

This morning I glanced at the window – something that’s difficult to avoid if you want to see what the weather is like – and there were a moxy load of the little fuckers all dozily wandering around the window pane.  I have no idea where they came from, but there they were. 

I knew I had a can of flyspray somewhere in the lobby so I found it.  We brought it back from France some years ago.  It apparently kills all mouches, moustiques and guèpes but it didn’t say anything about flies.  I gave it a go anyway and dosed the window pane where the flies were.

Out of idle curiosity I wondered if the can had an expiry date, as we have had it for donkey’s years.  I found it – 06/2011.  I’m happy to say though that my window full of flies suddenly had an expiry date of 28/11/2016.  Apparently they all understood French.

Then I discovered another cloud of the little fuckers on another window so I sprayed them too.  And then I found more on yet another window – this was becoming a bit farcical.  Where the hell were they all coming from?  At this stage I reckon I had dispatched around thirty of them in a wild morning of genocide. 

But there still a few who had realised that maybe the windows weren’t the safest spot and were now flying freely. around the room.  I’m not one to give in easily so I decided on some drastic action.  I marched up and down the room with my finger firmly pressed on the nozzle.  Nothing could escape that little cloud of death.

The room is now clear of flies.  Or at least it is clear of live ones.  The stench of parfumé à la citronnelle is quite overbearing.

Why do I have a sudden urge to lie flat on my back on the floor and spin violently while emitting a loud buzzing?


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Bugs — 14 Comments

    • Appropriate, but they should be spinning like demented propellers?  

      Another mystery to add to my list – all flies are now deceased here, but there isn’t a single corpse to be seen.  The spray must have dissolved them?  Powerful stuff that French spray?

  1. We got an old fashioned fly swatter – very satisfying lobbing and volleying!  Re your disappearing fly cadavers – Penny hasn’t eaten them has she?  Our dogs try to do that given half a chance but then they are French and tend to eat anything!

    Can’t put a name to some of the bugs bugging us at the moment- long thin hairy things like mini scorpions that run like hell.  *cough cough*  you do know that the French word for “fly” is mouche ?

    • I have fly swatter somewhere also bought in France.  I call it my mouche masher.  I bought it when we were staying at a gîte that had a large hornets’ nest, and I used to have great fun sailing the buggers into the adjoining field.

    • I suppose there might be something in that “cure” but only on the proviso that the victim was infested with locusts or some other insect?  It’s a strange world.

  2. “Why do I have a sudden urge to lie flat on my back on the floor and spin violently while emitting a loud buzzing?”

    You could be on a winner with this stuff GD. A new dance craze perhaps? It’s obviously harmless or you wouldn’t be here to tell the tale. You could flog parfumé à la citronnelle outside dance parties. The new youtube sensation, ‘doin the Grandad’. Could go viral ! LOL

    • A whole new concept in break dancing?  I like it.  The daughter would be proud as she claims my dancing abilities are less than zero.  She could be right too, as the only time I ever dance is when I am out of my skull with the drink!

  3. We in the states, notably in the New England states, have labeled these flies that show up buzzing around the windows in the late fall and winter time, “cluster flies”. Where they originate from is somewhat a mystery but many old timers said that they come from the walls. I myself don’t know where the they come from but when they do I just sic the cats on them. They just love the little buzzing bastards.

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