Experts in bullshit — 14 Comments

  1. I am reminded of Blaster Bate (a demolition expert), who defined an expert thus; “ex denoting something that has been, and spurt, meaning a drip under pressure”. I can think of no better definition!

    • Welcome Geoff!  I couldn’t agree more, though I would trust Blaster to know somewhat more about explosives than I.  If he said run, I think I probably would without question…..

    • X= unknown quantity in mathematics.

      SPURT= drip under pressure.

      Expert = unknown drip under pressure.

      (Mic drop)

  2. You’re a wise old bird, Grandad, but you’ve rarely wrote truer words than your penultimate sentence.

    ‘Experts believe…’ ‘Studies suggest…’ ‘Scientists say…’ Seems they all mean the same thing – the grant money’s running out.

    Completely OT. I see you blokes in the Republic have Post Codes now. News to me, ‘cos when I sent a parcel to West Cork last week they didn’t have one. I remember teasing our local Postmaster about it, him being from Wexford. ‘Ah, sure,’ he said. ‘We don’t need them in Ireland; everybody knows everybody else!’

    (Collapse of stout party.)

    • We do indeed have postcodes at the cost of God knows how many millions.  They are so illogical as to be virtually useless [my adjacent postcode is five miles away] and I don’t know of anyone who uses them.  As far as I am aware, our postal system doesn’t even have a method to track them, and I know our postman has no time for them at all.

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  5. Economics expert: somebody who can analyse and explain the problems of the economy and predict future prospects, but wouldn’t know how to set up and run a henhouse.

    Child psychologists: people who can explain what’s going on inside children’s heads and their emotional bonds with parents, but would quickly turn into nervous wrecks if they were probationary teachers assigned to a classroom of 35 wild ghetto twelve-year-olds.

  6. We have research which shows that 99 per cent of Grandads completely disagree with your opinion, so there!

  7. I was always told that an expert was someone who came from far away at great expense – the greater the fee, the more expert the person was

  8. Now I’m no expert in anything with the possible exception of poking holes in the ocean with a nuclear powered submarine and that kind of expert-ness pretty much doesn’t apply in modern society–such as it is.

    However, there’s supposedly a new-ish M.A. (Master of Arts degree one can go for called “Climate and Society” that takes all of 1 to 2 years to complete depending on where the student  attends the classes. 1 to 2 years to attain a masters degree in climate and the effects on society? I suppose that would make the graduates think  they’re actually makes them experts on the subject? Really?

    Whatever. All I know is that I’ve never heard of anyone achieving a masters degree in A.S.S (Anti Smoking Assessment)

  9. I am reminded of the definition of management consultant…

    Somebody who knows how to do it, can tell you when its wrong, but can’t do it himself!

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