There is a yard at the back of the Manor here.

It's not very big but I suppose a city dweller would consider it a massive estate compared to what they term a "garden" these days.

There used to be a pigsty there, but we don't keep pigs, so that was demolished and replaced with a coal hole.  But then we got central heating and the coal hole became a sort of dump for stuff I couldn't dump anywhere else.

There used to be an outside toilet there too, but that became a woodshed.  As you may have guessed, we got central heating and that became a breeding ground for brambles and ivy.

Over the years, it has become a tad neglected.  I had no reason to go there so I just ignored it.  But coincidentally, two reasons have cropped up where I need access to the yard.  One is that my old broadband aerial is mounted on the wall there and presumably my old supplier will want it back.  The other is that I need access to my sewer which happens to run under the yard, and is blocked.  Oh, the joys of home ownership?

I went to have a look yesterday.  It was a little worse than I had expected.  There was now a sycamore tree growing through some old garden furniture, which will have to be felled if I want to use those chairs again.  The rest of the yard is full of eight foot high raspberry canes wherever the fuck they came from.  The place was impassable.

So I set to work, hacking and slashing and eventually got as far as the back door to the house which was so overgrown with ivy that I hadn't been able to open it any more.  I think it needs a coat of paint now,

So now the broadband aerial was accessible and also I managed to clear the manhole over the sewer.  Now the real fun could begin.

I reckoned a lot of fresh water would be a good idea, but the garden tap is on the other side f the house, so I ran a hose from the tap, through the kitchen window, across the floor and out then newly opened back door.  I also found my rods underneath a pile of wood in the garage.  Preparation is the key.

I lifted the manhole cover and instead of a nice pit with a curved pipe at the bottom, it was a nice stagnant lake of piss and poo.  Fuck!  Worse that I had hoped.  Somewhere the pipe was blocked beyond the manhole.

The next manhole is out in the garden, but being an unsightly yoke, I hadn't bothered keeping it clear and over the years it had become covered in soil, weeds, rocks and a coupe of plants.  I had to dig up quite a chunk of the garden just to find the fucking thing.  I opened it.  There at the bottom was the nice curved piece of pipe with ne'er a piss or a turd in site.  I could damn near eat my dinner out of it, it was so clear.  So the blockage had to be between the two manholes, somewhere under the back yard, and that meant rodding.  Bollox!

I went back to the other manhole.  The fucking thing was clear!  Where the hell had all that nice sweet excrement gone?

It shall remain a mystery. 

The toilet now flushes without a hint of backing up.  The back yard is now clear of weeds, ferns and half a ton of raspberry canes.  The manhole in the garden is once more covered in soil, rocks and plants [I decided not to replace the weeds].

I presume the lingering stench will dissipate at some point?


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Gone in 60 seconds — 6 Comments

  1. Hi GD
    Re your self cleaning pipe :
    I’ll be the first to admit that I have no expertise in such matters.But my immediate thought on reading of your conundrum
    was prompted by an experience with leaking atomisers on ecigs .
    Could it be that a partial vacuum had formed in the pipe and by lifting the first manhole you had allowed the air pressure to equalise thus allowing the blockage to flow away ?
    Just a thought , I’ll shut up now .
    PS Good to see you appear to have free access to Twitter again

    • That is a very interesting theory.  However I would discount it on two points.  The first is that there would have been a loud sucking noise and the contents of the manhole would have drained immediately.  The second is that the vacuum would have fed back into the toilet and the water would have been sucked out of the U-bend.

      Regarding the feed –

      Years ago I set up the Twitter link through a yoke called Feedburner, which was taken over by Google at some point.  As a result the URL was shortened by Google and a worked well.  Since they fucked up my link, I dumped Feedburner and now use my own direct ink to Twitter, so they have no further control.  They can go fuck themselves!  😈

  2. My last place in UK had a septic tank, which if fact worked very well. Or at least, it would have done had I not had two teenage daughters dumping god-knows-what down the loo (well actually, God may not have known, but unfortunately I did). This teenage-daughteritis was the cause of regular rodding between the house and the septic tank, a job I was singularly unfond of. I had quite enough shit to deal with in life, without that particular variety adding to it.

    Bloody kids – who'd have 'em…

    The stench should dissipate soon, GD, particularly if you have a bit of a breeze running.

    • There was a very simple solution to this wee problem – get the daughters to rod it.  I'm surprised you didn't think of that yourself.

      The stench problem is no more.  When I did the job, it was sweltering hot in the yard and not even the slightest air movement.  If I had it a match it probably would have blown up half the parish.

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