I have a small problem.

I realised during the week that there was a major omission in my life. 

I had never had a Mid Life Crisis!

I am led to believe that a MLC is one of the essentials in life on the way to seniority and ultimately old age.  In my younger days I used to look forward to entering that phase of buying motor bikes, growing my hair even longer, wearing gold medallions and having limitless affairs, but when the time came I seem to have forgotten about it.

So I am wondering if there is some kind of statute of limitations on MLCs?  Could I still have one if I try hard enough?

I know a MLC is supposed to be a vain and fruitless attempt to recapture past youth, so is there a Late Life Crisis where I can attempt to capture my Mid Life years?  This could work quite well, as during my recaptured Mid Life I could then have a Mid Life Crisis [being an essential ingredient of Mid Life], to bring me back even further.

I could do the motor bike thing.  I quite fancy one of those yokes with tyres that look like they're off a lorry, or even a three wheeler with Easy Rider handlebars.  I'm getting a bit long in the tooth for chasing dolly birds though, as these days I find that when I catch them, I'm a little out of breath.  Young women seem to run a lot faster these days.

But then is it worth it?  During my Mid Life I was stuck with a mortgage and a job that was passable but which I wouldn't want to repeat.  And then there was all the hassle of a teenage daughter driving me insane with incessant tantrums, and all the other glories that come with teenagehood.  I wouldn't want to repeat any of those.  I would miss the Interweb too.

So maybe I'm just better off forgetting about the whole business?  Chalk it up to an unfortunate lapse in the path through life?  Remember to have it next time when I am reincarnated into my next life?

I'm storing up quite a few things to do in my next life.

I'm quite looking forward to it


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Having a Late Life Crisis — 12 Comments

    • Damn!  I hadn't thought of that.  So I could be around for another sixty to seventy years?  But then, I smoke a pipe so that means only another fifty

      • I just received a statement for a private pension I've been paying into. At the rate they are offering, they will finish paying what I've accrued when I'm 110 years old (presumably the following year I'm going to have a terminal 111ness).

        Obviously all financial institutions are models of honesty and probity, and masters of predicting the future – they're not planning on holding back any of the money I've paid in, and won't have made an error in their calculations. On that basis, I don't have to start my MLC yet, either.

        • So your eleventy first [a rather curious number and a very respectable age for a hobbit] will be your last? Be sure to celebrate in style.  I'll bring my big pointy hat and long pipe, and provide the fireworks.

  1. Remember to have it next time when I am reincarnated into my next life?

    When I get reincarnated I'm coming back as a table cloth, because they get laid 4 times a day and pulled off every night.

    • Nah!  I'm coming back as a dog – a very soft and easy life and I can shag anything that moves any time I like ["ah sure it's only the dog!"].

  2. I know Herself is around all the time, so your options are circumscribed. But, without going over a line in the desert sand, you could click onto one of these Russian Women are Waiting to meet You sites. You could enter an online relationship dragging over a couple of years – without taking the drastic step of sending her a thousand euro for her Aeroflot ticket. 

    • I'm a bit wary of those Russian women.  They send me photographs showing beautiful nubile young women but they invariably turn out to be fifty year old roadsweepers with more hair under their arms than I have on my chin.

  3. The MLC can take many forms. In my case, a general malaise. My body doesn’t works as well as it did, I feel tired a lot of the time, everything seems to ache and I wonder why I’m bothering sometimes. I’m told this is MLC. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. It has nothing to do with the bikes because I’ve been riding them since I was 17…

  4. This MLC  MaLarCy – is it compulsory?  Is it not just a label for  middle-aged eccentricities?  Everything has to be pigeon-holed and categorised these days and it gets on my pip!  Just because someone might take up nude yodelling, for example, and they are of a certain age suddenly someone else points the finger and shouts "Midlife Crisis!"  

  5. Don't feel too bad about not having a MLC as I never had one either. I still miss not having a Harley around but that's about it. Hardly a sign of a mid-life crisis. And as far as ever wondering if young women still found me attractive? Hell, young women never found me attractive in the first place so why should thy find me so now?

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