A happy obituary

I dropped by Frank's place this morning.

I was surprised to see that he had never heard of our beloved James Fatso Reilly. I can't have been doing my job properly?  Time to set the record state.

In the interests of fairness, I give you his official election photograph, and the grim reality that lies behind a hefty drop of Photoshopping.

James Fatso Reilly

Fatso is a doctor from the north of Dublin and is [was?] the deputy leader of the Fine Gael party who formed the last gubmint.  I might add that he is one of the least healthy looking doctors I have ever seen [maybe he should go back on the fags?]  He immediately put his name forward as Health Minister, vowing to put the wreckage that is our health service back on track.

Very quickly it became apparent that he was a rabid anti-smoker of the worst kind and devoted his time to pushing further restrictions and levying higher and higher taxes on smokers.  While the health service lurched from crisis to crisis he spent his time in front of the cameras with his favourite toy.

Reilly's toy

He appeared regularly in the papers and television, usually accompanied by his favourite box and usually surrounded by a load of kids all carrying placards demanding the introduction of plain packs.  I would imagine each and every one of those kids is now on a forty a day habit, never having heard of cigarettes until he came along.

Eventually it became apparent even to the gobshites in power that he was doing fuck all for the health service and threatening to return Ireland to bankruptcy by begging the tobacco industry to sue Ireland over plain packs.  He was demoted to Minister for Children and Tobacco.  Things noticeably quietened on the anti-smoker front.

Thanks to Fatso Ireland is now being dragged through the courts by the tobacco industry, costing us a fortune in the process.  We have also a thriving smuggling business supplying not only ourselves but the UK as well.

He has been unceremoniously fucked out of his seat in the current election.  I would love to think that it was the smokers that gave him the heave, but it was probably just his arrogance, bullying tactics and sheer incompetence that did it.

Good fucking riddance.

 

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Comments

A happy obituary — 12 Comments

  1. Well, I am English after all! So I can't be expected to know the names of many Irish politicians. I have a hard enough job remembering the names of the damn English ones. And quite often, I've only just managed to remember their names when all of a sudden they're kicked out of office or sent to prison or something, and the effort proves to have been completely wasted. It would help, I suppose, if I was actually interested in them. But usually I'm not. And for the most part I can't wait to see the back of them, whoever they are.

    Anyway, I take it that I can now completely forget about this Reilly chap. Or is he going to re-appear on one of the numerous reality TV shows that I don't watch?.

    • Heh!  Don't worry – I'm in the same boat regarding names.  There are only four names of note over here.  Reilly [now gone], Senator Crown [religious fanatic], Kathleen O’Meara [government funded lobbyist] and Luke Clancy [ex-ASH and now running "TobaccoFree Research Institute" which is the perfect example of sucking up state funding for doing nothing except lobbying].

      The problem now is that it is a possibility that we may have to suffer another election, and Reilly may manage to scrape back in, though I think that's extremely unlikely.  I think/hope that we have seen the last of him.  I would like to see him take part in  a reality "Gladiator" though……

        • Update:  The O'Meara woman has jumped ship and joined REHAB. There's some new fanatic manning the barricades at the Irish Cancer Society!

          • She needs a drop of rehabilitation all right.  I'll have to do some research on our new friend so.  At least we don't have a minister, yet.

            • As I see it, Varadkar is a pretty decent guy and I get no feeling from him that he's pre-occupied by smoking. The problem is what happens next? A cobbled coalition may not be possible and even if it is, it may not last pissing time. I can't see Stubbs Reilly coming back either because he only survived due of Enda's loyalty to him.

              • The only thing that is predictable about the future is that it is completely unpredictable.

                Of course Fatso is still in power until the new gubmint is formed so just watch him try to push through a few more measures before he is unceremoniously fucked out.

  2. Personally, I always thought there was something very creepy about the way he was always surrounded by kids while doing his "plain packs" thing.  I always got the impression he should be wearing a dirty raincoat. 

    They really should put out a court order preventing him from going within a mile from anyone under 18.  Would you have him as a babysitter?!

    P.S. What are you doing in Merka?  You never said you were emigrating?

    • We have a strange phenomenon here where they seem to appoint the unhealthiest specimens to the health portfolio.  Who can forget Mary Mad Cow Harney?

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