I watched an excellent film over the weekend.

"San Andreas" is about the San Andreas Fault [the hint is in the name] which decides to shift causing a massive earthquake in California.

I learned so many things from this film which I never knew before….

A car can tumble for a couple of hundred feet down a rocky forty-five degree slope without giving the driver so much as a scratch.

The same car can somehow become attached to a vertical cliff wall where it will stay firmly glued until the driver is rescued whereupon it crashes to the cliff base.

A helicopter can clip its rotors off a cliff face, and the only damage will be a gearbox which won't fail until some time later. 

A helicopter can be crashed into a shopping centre, ending up inside a shop and no one takes any notice whatsoever, despite the place being crowded.  The pilot and passenger won't suffer a scratch either.

A Coast Guard helicopter pilot can, in the middle of the worst disaster ever, feel free to use that helicopter to find his own family and ignore everyone else.  The Coast Guard people don't seem to mind as they let him get away with it.

If you parachute into a large city that has been razed to the ground, you will always manage to find your family despite the falling buildings, fires, crevices and millions of panicking people.

In a street packed with people being showered with broken glass, our heroes escape unscathed except for one shard of glass which is easily removed causing no more than a limp.  The Bag Guy of course gets squashed immediately by falling masonry.

You can drive a RIB with an outboard motor through a solid sea of debris at full speed and the propeller will not be damaged.

The same RIB can be driven at a skyscraper whereupon it will smash glass and steel without it or its passenger sustaining any damage whatsoever.

That RIB can be driven through the inside of a falling skyscraper whereupon it smashes out the far side, again sustaining no damage to itself or its passengers.

A person can remain drowned with lungs full of water for some considerable time until such time as everyone gives up hope, whereupon they regain full consciousness without any apparent after effects whatsoever.

Apparently an earthquake on land can cause a tsunami to flow in from the ocean.  This shatters my belief that tsunamis always flow away from the epicentre.

No matter how enormous the catastrophe or how bad the damage someone, somewhere, always has a large, freshly washed and ironed Mercan flag to fly from the debris.  Well, actually I did know this from previous films but it never ceases to amaze me.

I would highly recommend this film.

I haven't laughed so much in ages.

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San Andreas faults — 14 Comments

  1. That was my next movie to go to, for that very reason..to be amazed that no one gets hurt in massive crashes. Just saw The Martian, actully turned out to be a good flick

    • I hope I haven't spoiled anything!  Mind you – these films are more predictable than the phases of the moon.

      I must have a look out for The Martian.  If it's crap, I'll know who to blame.

  2. God works in mysterious ways. Who are we to question? Obviously California, with it's enlightened, liberal, live-and-let-live approach to life has been singled out for special treatment.

  3. You will recall I recently extolled the virtues of California (via an apocalyptic drinking game) on these very pages?

    Yup – the San Andreas runs down the Pacific coastline of California, right through San Francisco, Los Angles and the western edge of San Diego. All told, when the fault finally goes so will an estimated 15 million people.

    You really should move there – it has a lot to recommend it (though i expect they probably played down the sharks in the film, right?)

    • No mention of sharks [they missed a trick there?]

      If the San Andreas ever does let rip, California will probably end up as an island anyway.  I think I'll hold off my move until after The Event though.

      • If the San Andreas ever does let rip, California will probably end up as an island anyway.

        Yah, and then everyone will surf to Nevada.

  4. Personally, I think you should take your article and submit about the movie on it's IMDB page as a review. It's better than most I've seen.

    I'll wait until it comes out on DVD for a couple of bucks.

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