God to sue America

In an unprecedented move, God is to sue America under international anti-trust and copyright legislation.

Head Rambles contacted the Heaven Press Office and arranged an interview with their spokesangel Gabriel.

HR: Thank you for speaking to us, Gay. Can you tell us what this is all about?

G: You’re welcome, Grandad. Yes. This move was taken because God has decided that enough is enough and the use of His name has to be protected.

HR: But I thought anyone is free to use the name of God?

G: Yes. But there are limits. America has breached the anti-trust legislation by claiming God as their own to the exclusion of all others.

HR: Can you elaborate?

G: Where do I start? The American insistence that they are “God’s own Country”? Their everyday naming of God in their war promoting anthem? The constant “God bless America”? They even have His name on their currency, which is a bit ironic considering His Son’s attitude to moneylenders in the Temple. He is sick and tired of it. The final straw came when that idiot leader of theirs started to claim he was starting wars because God told him to.

HR: But doesn’t every country claim that God is on their side?

G: Yes. But the Americans do it to extreme. They have breached copyright by appropriating God for themselves.

HR: Have you sought the opinion of the Pope on this matter?

G: Who?

HR: The Pope? The bloke in the Vatican?

G: Oh, him. He has nothing to do with us. You are confusing faith and religion. A common mistake. God gave you faith. You invented religion for yourselves. That has nothing to do with God.

HR: Do you not think this is a bit unfair? I mean God could have given them some indication that He was not happy with the situation.

G: Don’t make me laugh. They have had enough warnings. Mount Saint Helens volcano? Tornados? Hurricanes? The Oakland’s Earthquake? Drought? Floods? Blizzards? Hailstorms? What more do they want? San Francisco is next to go.

HR: But lots of counties suffer these disasters?

G: True. But how many countries suffer from all of them? That should have given the Americans a hint. We even concentrated on their so call “Bible Belt” but they still wouldn’t shut up. If anything, it made them worse.

HR: But other people commit atrocities in the name of religion?

G: Here you go with the ‘religion’ thing again. That has nothing to do with us.

HR: What do you think your chances are of success?

G: We know the outcome. We will win. Don’t forget – we can see the future.

HR: Well, thank you for your time, Gay. You have been very candid.

G: My pleasure, Grandad. You know God is a great fan of yours? You are on the top of His Feed Reader.

HR: Wow! I’m honoured. One last question though?

G: Fire away.

HR: How does God intend to take the oath if He is called to give evidence?

G: Good question! We’re still working on that one.

kick it on kick.ie

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Comments

God to sue America — 35 Comments

  1. I’m not big on complements but you’ve nailed it with this one . . .except God is of course a she, not a he! And she did have something to do with organised religion, look at all those shiny things in Churches and the big rings and pretty gold necklaces worn by many of the clergy *ooooh shiny things*

  2. Baino – ‘He’ is a generic term. God is not a ‘she’ either. I assume God has no gender, but people would be offended if I said ‘It’.

    And those shiny things in churches are all to do with religion, not faith.

    Grannymar – Once again, you’ve lost me!

  3. This is my favourite post by you so far. Very funny stuff, just what I need on a Monday morning. I work from time to time with the Italian anti-trust authority, would it be alright by you if I brought them a copy of this? I think they’d like it.

  4. …. and “Father Time”.

    Will you lot stop this childish thing about the gender of God? What gender is a rock? Or a thought? Or a spirit? God is by definition, genderless.

    Unless of course you want to quote the King James Bible -
    So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them”
    ?

  5. Blessed Art Thou, God
    Who hath sent us Grandad
    To lighten up our day

    May he Rest in Peace now
    With his Blessed ‘Cully & Sully’
    To return with more gems today

    Amen ;-)

  6. May I speak up and say “right on,” even though I’m an American? I usually hate it when someone says, “God says …,” as though they have the inside scoop, but somehow, perhaps because you’re Irish, you make it work!

  7. Thank you, Marlys. I wish someone would tell your Great Leader that he doesn’t have a direct line!

    I don’t know if God looks any more favourably on Ireland than anywhere else. Though in my lifetime, we’ve only had a couple of very minor earth tremors, one small hurricane and a few tiddly floods. So maybe we are doing something right?

  8. Grandad,

    God, knowing a bit about the Bible, would of course not take the oath, but would simply affirm. As the Palestinian carpenter said, ‘Let your yes be yes and your no be no’.

  9. Is there “a” pagan god????
    Grandad I be linking this somewhere on my blog, it is absolutely brilliant! How do you come up with the stuff? It must be the craft!!!!!

  10. Semantic – The answer to your question: All of them and none of them. You are falling into the trap of confusing faith and religion. You are talking about religion which is a man made institution. Take all of the religions and apply Ockham’s Razor…..?

    Gaye – I put it down to an interaction within my medication.

  11. Didnt you know God is a white man ?
    the negro and the jazz man discivered so thus.
    negro claimed god was black ; the white man – white/
    Lets ask they say sitting on a ledge over the caynon
    Ok -
    Who are you ?
    they ask into the chasm.
    After some silence the4 earth trembles
    I am who am – a voice thunders
    - see , said the withe man I told you he was a white man.
    How come says the negro
    ‘Cos if was was a black man he woulda said I is who Is!

  12. I would just like to say on behalf of the majority of Americans that we do not agree w/ Bush, and do not agree w/ him using God as his reasoning for everything. Believe me, many of us are feeling the effect of his actions, as is the rest of the world. We’re currently working a bill that denies anyone by the name of bush to ever take office again, including Hillary.

  13. Sarah Palin said “It is God’s will” on our involvement in the war. So God and government are still married in some unholy synergy of ignorance. The fact that people even care if the president is affliated with religion or not is ridiculous. John McCain can’t even remember how many houses he has while some people have none. Now they have the tenacity to bring up the fact that their kids are fighting in the war. Do you think any parent want their kids to grow up and have a gun placed in their hand and be told to kill? This isn’t World War II when we knew what we were fighting for. This is a joke. The people that go to Iraq treat it as such. Look what they did to the prisoners. People just say big deal they could’ve did a lot worse they were just having fun. We can’t even define what an act of torture is. Everytime we ban something we just change the name or the way its done. I don’t think there is a hell because I cannot imagine a place any worse than one we live in. I love the mountains though. Unfortunately, I’ve been stuck in Iowa for over 10 years. This place is a venus fly trap. It lures you in and closes around you. If you’re not doing what everyone else is doing you will find yourself all alone.

  14. Alright, as an American, I found this hilarious and pretty much true.

    I’m not religious at all, but faith is another story, and truth be told, I’m sick and tired of all the “Bible Mongering” that this blasted country has started doing.  

  15. Damn, but it’s a while since I read this.  Thanks Ken for bringing me back.  You lot [Merkans] have been remarkably quiet lately.  You hardly make the news at all over here these days.

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