Penetrating my rear end

I just came back from being out [as one tends to do].

Out of idle curiosity I fired up the old laptop and checked to see if anyone had sent me any mail.

The messages only flooded in.  After a couple of minutes the damn thing was out of breath with the effort of all those messages.

Over 460 of them.

Now I am a friendly sort of bloke and am not short of a friend or two, and very occasionally one of them might write to me, but this was fucking ridiculous!  460 mails?

I then realised they were all from this site frantically telling me that someone was trying to break in.  In the space of forty minutes the place was under constant attack by people trying to guess my password.


Everything that I have written is there for everyone to see, so why the fuck would they want to get into my engine room?  There is nothing there but the usual old shit you’ll find behind the back wall of every WordPress site, plus a couple of old rags and a half eaten tin of sardines.  No credit card details; no old love letters; no banking details; no incriminating evidence of any sort whatsoever.  So why the frantic bother?

For the sake of anyone trying to guess my password, don’t bother.  I find it hard to remember so you’ll find it even harder to guess.  To make life infinitesimally easier for you, I can tell you that my password isn’t “password”.  Nor is it “administrator”, “Gandalf” or “Grandad”.  Alas it isn’t even “incorrect” even though my laptop seems to think it is [it’s always telling me my password is “incorrect” which just goes to show how dumb computers are].

I have a little thingy in my engine room.  As well as telling me whenever there is an attempt at a forced entry it also locks that person out so they can’t even try again.  Well, they can but they have to wait 60 days before they can have another go.  This presumably means that there were 460 separate attempts to break in, which is even weirder.  Why the sudden interest?

Anyway, to all you nice people who have been trying to penetrate my nether regions – tough shit.

See you in 60 days.

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Penetrating my rear end — 4 Comments

  1. If you deleted all 460 of them then you may have missed that letter from the wife of the Former Nigerian Finance Minister who needs to get $4.5 million out of the country in your name.

  2. I got a phone call from a 'concerned Network Security Company' yesterday, saying that my computer was going to be hacked into.

    "Which one?"  I asked

    "Er…could be just one, could be all of them" came the reply

    "Thanks for the heads-up mate, but no need to worry – I work for GCHQ's cyber-terrorism unit.  By the way, do you mind if I take down your name and address so I can check it against the details coming up on the screen here?"

    I've never heard a phone put down so quickly.  What was it I said?

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