Losing it

I mentioned in passing the other day that the phone had been out of order.

Getting it fixed was a big mistake.

Since it was fixed, all we have had is phonecalls with no one on the other end, and phonecalls that somehow bypass the answering machine and ring incessantly.  And those calls are always at some ungodly hour like seven in the morning.  We have had one wrong number and a bloke trying to fix my computer.

My little ambition is to follow through on one of those calls where he claims there is a problem with my computer and Windows has to be fixed.  I want to see exactly what the scam is.  I want to lead him on up to the punch line where I inform him I only use Linux.

This morning I was woken again at seven by one of those calls where the phone wouldn’t shut up and there was no one there on the line anyway.  I managed to get back to sleep but was woken at ten by another one.  Fuck!

By the time I got dressed, I wasn’t in the best of form as you may imagine.

I was sitting here contemplating whether or not to get the whole phone system removed when another call came in.

He wanted to help me fix my Windows.

Now I know one is always supposed to be polite on the phone.  I also know that I have been waiting for one of these calls to play my little game.

This morning was not he time for games or manners.

I lost it.

I told him he was a little fucking shit.  I told him I hope a pestilence rained on his house.  I told him that I hoped his balls would explode in a massive fireball.  I told him that he knew fuck all about Windows and did he think I was an idiot.  In short, I told him he was a fucking cunt.

He hung up.

Maybe it was wrong.  Maybe I should have played my little game.  Maybe I should have just quietly cut the call.

But fuckit, I felt a lot better after.


Losing it — 19 Comments

  1. I'm in full agreement with your sentiments GD.  The angelic side would say, "Shame on you – they're only trying to earn a crust."  On the other hand …… "Yeah – 'strike one' for the ever suffering individual.  These people should be burnt at the stake – after having many other unmentionable things done to them  … see – you've got me carried away now. Duhhhhh.

    • If they want to earn a crust they can damn well do it without annoying me.  I don't know whether they are just paid stooges or are part of the actual scamming gang, but I'm going to treat them as if they are in it up to their necks.

  2. Cold-calling is a fairly recent phenomenon here, and seems to be confined (thankfully) to land-lines (apart from Vodafone trying to sell me an additional service for my mobile occasionally). Since these calls have started, I've taken to answering my home phone in English. It's quite an effective ploy, as the cold-callers tend to try a bit of a sales pitch in Greek, which I answer in English; there is then usually a pause of a few seconds after which they hang up. I have to say that they are nearly always polite, and apologise before they go.

  3. I asked by what means did they know there was anything wrong with my computer as it seemed to be breaking the Data Protection Act, and I would be reporting them. They hung up and I have never heard from them again.

    • I have asked them a couple of times in the past how they knew what I was running [despite the fact that they didn't].  The most coherent response I got was that they had been informed by Microsoft.  Most however just said I "was on a list".  Hah!

  4. A few months ago I did exactly what you said you wanted to do.  I played this Indian sounding fella along for about 20 minutes.  Initially I told him it was my brothers computer so he would have to wait while I fetched him (5 minutes hanging on the line).  As my brother I then told him he would have to wait while I booted up the computer.  We spent the next 10 minutes during which I professed to be completely computer illiterate and that I could not find the "Start" button.  Eventually he got around to asking me what version of Windows I was running.  Not really wanting to wind him up any more I owned up to the fact that my computer was running Ubantu Linux in response to which he went absolutely berserk.  F'ing this and F'ing that – I was very shocked!  I told him he was a cunt for not asking that as his first question.

    Now comes the unpleasant bit of the tale.  He phoned about 5 times after that threatening me, my house and my family.  Although I assessed that the threats were empty, Herself got bit windy about it.

    • Hmmmm.  So it looks like I may have to invent myself an occupation before trying my little game?  Inform them at the end I am in fact a computer engineer in the police Fraud Office?  That would give them something to ponder upon?

      • I still don't know what the scam is though.  Next time I shall do exactly what they say – at least up to the point where I'm expected to enter my bank details that is!

  5. Hi! I'm here to fix your Linux. You weren't on a list or anything but Richard Stallman asked me to check on you personally. We need to remove all non-free and branded software from your computer as it goes against the FOSS dogma philosophy. If this is not a convenient time…

    …I can call you.

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