I was fast asleep this morning when the doorbell rang.

Maybe I should point out that there was someone at the door ringing the door bell.  It doesn’t ring itself.

Anyhows I dragged myself out of a very deep sleep and decided to answer it.  It could be important?  I had a quick glance around, but no dressing gown.  I decided to play The Lottery.  The Lottery is where I answer the door bollok naked in the hopes of winning the jackpot of either finding a gorgeous woman or a pair of God Botherers.

Unfortunately it was only the bloke wanting to read the meter.

He is well used to my little ways and didn’t turn a hair at this sight of a fine specimen of manhood.  He’s a cheerful bloke and chatted away while he peered at the dials.  I don’t do cheerful if I have been dragged out of a deep sleep so I grunted a couple of times and let him do his job.

After he left, there wasn’t much point in going back to bed, so I got dressed and made my morning cuppa.

The phone rang.

Maybe I should point out that the phone didn’t ring itself….  but you know all that bit.

Anyhows I answered it.  It was one of those blokes wanting to fix my PC.  I decided to play along.

He explained how he was from such-and-such company and that he was phoning people to fix a virus problem caused by some mythical web site.  He asked if my computer was switched on.  I said it was.  He asked which version of Windows I was using.  I said Version 13.  That stumped him.  He asked if I was sure.  I said I was and it was version 13, commonly known as Maya.  This stumped him even more.

Suddenly I had a moment of crystal clarity.  Maybe it was the mug of tea kicking in, or maybe it was my first pipe of the day knocking my brain into gear, but I suddenly realised there were a lot more interesting things to do in life that wind up some fucking Pakistani.  I told him that Maya is a fucking Linux system and that if he didn’t fuck off I would ram his fucking Windows up his fucking arse. 

He hung up.

The place is back to its normal peace and quiet.  There is a pigeon softly cooing in a tree outside and there is the distant sound of a tractor.

Peace, as it should be.

Why can’t people fucking leave me alone?

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Unwelcome callers — 7 Comments

  1. You should have told the electric company guy that you were having trouble with shorts, see what he’d say!

  2. Dave – Heh!  Could be interesting if they turn out to be a closet pervert?  Hours of fun.

    Not Green – For fuck’s sake, I was only just barely [*cough*] awake.  Too early in the day for bad puns….

    tt – He used a torch and all.

  3. The scam calls are usually from a number in Djibouti – +253 820308. I keep the number in the phone so as to ask them to call back on numbers like the premium rate line that carries the obituaries for the local radio station – it’s an easy number to remember.

  4. I love asking them to wait while I turn on the computer.  Then off I go and do what I had planned to do in the first place.  Don’t know how long they wait but who cares.

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