Kicking the can

A few days ago I came across another ‘study’.

Two fizzy drinks a week can make youngsters more violent

There are several things that strike me about this ‘study’.

For a start it is patently a load of utter bollox.  I have known a lot of fizzy drink drinkers in my time, and have joined their ranks and consumed more than my fair share many times.  Yet not one [including myself] has suddenly become violent.  They go so far as to state that “close to half of teenagers who drank 14 or more cans of soft drinks a week carried a gun or knife.”  That is so patently absurd as to be laughable.  They might as well say that half of all left-handed people will turn out to be serial rapists.  It is utter nonsense, yet it is emanating from “experts”.

The sad thing about this “study” is that a great many people will actually believe it.  They will scan the article and gasp in horror.  Without giving it any further thought, they will accept it as fact because experts in a university have said so and therefore it must be true.  They next time they see some kid slurping out of a can of Coca Cola, they will recoil in horror, convinced they are about to be shot or stabbed.  They will avoid the drinks aisles in the supermarkets and disinherit their own children if they ever so much as look at a can of Fanta.

What made them do this “study” I ask?  The answer is simple.  This is yet another link in the chain towards demonising sugar in the great anti-obesity fight.  We are going to see a hell of a lot more of these “studies” in the near future, each one producing more ridiculous scares than the previous one.  What’s the betting that there will be “proof” that sitting near a fizzy drink drinker will increase your chances of dying from cancer a hundredfold?  How soon will we hear all about third hand obesity [Don’t ask me what it is – it hasn’t been invented yet]?

Of course, now that it has appeared in print, it is equally cast in stone.  The science is proven.  There is no such thing as a safe level of sugar.  A person can suffer a heart attack just from watching a can of fizzy orange for more than thirty seconds.  Even seeing a can on a shelf in a shop will cause 50% of people to rush out and buy a gun.

Do you think I am exaggerating?

Do you think I am being sarcastic?


Just look at the unbelievable claims they make about tobacco.

It’s starting all over again.


Kicking the can — 18 Comments

  1. True enough GD but did you notice  the front page above the article;  GERMANY WARNS OF WAR IN EUROPE.  What the fuck! Bend over and grip your ankles Europe or we march again??

  2. Cat – That’s a good point… I wonder if champagne qualifies?  People getting married had better watch out?

    TT – I saw that.  Der Fuhrer Merkel reckons we have two choices – fix the Euro, or all out war.  A very strange [and dangerous] woman.

  3. Mossy – You are behind the times, if you’ll pardon the pun?

    Ramrod – Have you not heard?  The Dream is declared officially dead.

    Popeye – Ah!  Halloween.  I love the sound of kids stepping on landmines, electrocuting themselves on my specially wired gate and being savaged by the dog [and Herself].  Happy days!  😈

  4. Its all about over paid so called experts who have to produce intelligent sounding bullshit to justify their existances. You never hear the experts coming out with studies on the damage caused by excessive over eating of Bananas or sprouts.
    There’s safety in moderation with all things.
    As for Germany going to war again. Maybe they are going to do something about the 7 billion people on the planet. Typically German. another ‘Final Solution’. After all, they tried to cut the numbers in the 20th centuary.
    4th Reich on the way.

  5. You’re wrong. The fizzy drinks panic violence makes perfect sense.
    Think about it.
    You swallow down a few cans.
    You line them up on a shelf or on top of a wall.
    What’s the next thing that comes to mind of anyone who’s ever seen a Western?
    Shooting them.
    That’s why bottles are safer than cans.
    You only want to chuck stones at them, not shoot bullets.
    (Given that cans can now be acknowledged as a menace, thi smeans the end for baked beans and tomato soup too.)

  6. I’ve been outed by better twats than that t(wa)t, btw which one is me and who’s mother am I supposed to have “known”.
    Please relay my confuckerations to the man and inform him that Oi hope his earholes turn into arseholes and shit all over his shoulders.

  7. Slab – Tell me about it.  I have been watching these so called experts and their so called studies for a while.  The useless garbage they produce is mind numbing.  The sad thing is that a lot of people take them seriously.

    Ramrod – Wherever they are, I don’t think they are in America.

    Blackwatertown – I hadn’t thought of it that way but you are right.  Only the other day I saw a line of tins on a table which I had to take a pot shot at.  The neighbours who were drinking from them at the time weren’t amused for some reason.

    Patrick – *sigh*  Tell him yourself.  I’m tired of matchmaking you two.

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