I stepped out my front door yesterday, and promptly fell over a pile of new telephone directories that someone had left there.

Naturally I set the system in motion to sue Eircom for damages.  My solicitor reckons it should be worth a couple of thousand.

Then I brought the directories in.

For some reason, there is a strange compulsion to read phone directories.  I don’t know why.  As someone once said – they are rather thin on plot, and there’s too many characters.

I looked up my own name to make sure that I’m listed.  I’m not.  This didn’t bother me that much, as the only people I want to hear from know my number anyway.

I decided to look up a few more names.  That is when a pattern began to emerge.

There are very few bloggers listed in the phone book.

I looked up Major, Twenty.  There were three or four Majors, but no Twenty.

I looked up Something, Flirty.  Nada.

I looked up Cane, Maxi.  Nothing.

Otter, Crabbling?  Not a sign.

No sign of The GR8, K8.

Mum, English doesn’t exist.

I was beginning to smell a very putrid rat at this stage.

I started to look up Robber, Bock the, but I remembered that they don’t have phones down there [or much else for that matter apart from guns and knives].

The more I looked, the less there was.

Everyone else was there.  Even a few people who don’t have telephones.  But there wasn’t a blogger in sight.

Eircom is supposed to be a private company but we all know they are under the government’s thumb.  Something on this scale could only have come from the top.

I don’t know what they are playing at, but it is big.

This is not a conspiracy theory.

This is a conspiracy fact.

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Irish Government silences bloggers — 25 Comments

  1. keiron – jasus? [enough said]
    grandad – jasus?

    think i’ll go over to the ‘otter’ blog – might even check out beaut for some manly make-up tips… ? fuppin’ ghostbusters… who you gonna call? Dynarod??


  2. I’d check it, is’ one of those numbers you never know when you might need!

    I thought you were confused by 3G, I’m just confused by Peter. Any explanation in beer mats (or beer for that matter!) available?

  3. Keiron – That’s true. I have decided that 3G is beyond my feeble capabilities, so I think I consign it to the realm of Linux and rap music – i.e. it’s there, but I don’t understand it. Beer, I do understand, and that’s all that is important.

  4. I definitely think that there is some sort of conspiracy theory going on with the omission of some of the top Irish bloggers from the phone book…

    Maybe they want to keep us on our computers and away from the phones?

  5. Maybe it’s because they know that you don’t have time to take calls because you’re too busy blogging….

    Or drinking?

  6. You were looking in the wrong place. Try Rambles, Head. The most common name in the Atlanta phone book is Mexican, Illegal I. 137,000 entries.

  7. Here’s what I want to know: why aren’t the phone books getting thinner. I communicate more on the net and out and about on the mobile. I wasnt using ye ole landline so I got it disconnected. Did I do something wrong?? I thought I was dumping last century’s technology to get into the digital age before it got too late.
    Er, on behalf of everyone living (i.e. bock) or from (i.e. me) Bock’s part of the world, ouch on the knifes dig.
    this has got to be the first time I heard Linux and rap music in the same sentence.

  8. @kieron @grandad

    everyone knows phonebooks are for sitting on and bating creepy crawlies from when the window was left open and yer man flew in…. jasus!

    i have darrens number i just dont call him and use the crabbling otter not in the book excuse…

  9. What’s this? I don’t exist? Blimey, that’s a blow. Although there’s something to be said for being invisible. Imagine how much fun you’d have…

  10. I don’t exist in my own household- that’s why I blog…

    7 people here and I like to hole myself up in the basement. Of course I shouldn’t complain- I am college educated – I could go out and get a job – or stop having kids… ha ha, but I think not.

  11. TheChrisD – I don’t know what is going on, but I’m laying extra landmines just in case. You’d never know what that shower would be up to next.

    TT – Head Rambles Manor is where I live. They wouldn’t list that under names? I looked under Grandad, and under Himself, Grandad. Nothing. I would be very surprised if I were in the Atlanta phone book.

    Charmed – It’s all very well scrapping the land line, but isn’t the alternative expensive? After all, land lines are free, aren’t they? All it takes is a couple of hundred yards of bell-wire and a key to the exchange.

    Peter – I am seriously concerned about you. Frequenting Beaut.ie and having Darren’s number? Hmmmmm……..

    E Mum – Anonymity is great, if you can spell it. Think of all the crimes you can get away with?

    Bock – Have you not heard of Biblical Floods? God’s way of drowning all the undesirables. How come you’re still around?

    Michele – Basements – The last refuge of the sane. What the hell would you want to get a job for? Blogging is much more fun!

  12. Maxi/Cantankerous – It is very clever of you to use an alias on your site. I never thought of doing that. I could have called myself John Smith or something?

    Cranky – Surely you would be in the Diplomatic Directory? Or maybe they know that you are moving? Are you in the Canuckastan Directory? That’s the important one.

  13. They said that they’d just put me down as “B’dum” with no first name cos there’s no other ones in the country. I got in a fight demanding “B’dum-B’dum, B’dum”… they just left me out as a result.

  14. BBB – As a matter of interest – Why did you change you name from B’dum B’dum to B’dum B’dum B’dum? Did you decide to grow up?

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