I stepped out my front door yesterday, and promptly fell over a pile of new telephone directories that someone had left there.
Naturally I set the system in motion to sue Eircom for damages. My solicitor reckons it should be worth a couple of thousand.
Then I brought the directories in.
For some reason, there is a strange compulsion to read phone directories. I don’t know why. As someone once said – they are rather thin on plot, and there’s too many characters.
I looked up my own name to make sure that I’m listed. I’m not. This didn’t bother me that much, as the only people I want to hear from know my number anyway.
I decided to look up a few more names. That is when a pattern began to emerge.
There are very few bloggers listed in the phone book.
I looked up Major, Twenty. There were three or four Majors, but no Twenty.
I looked up Something, Flirty. Nada.
I looked up Cane, Maxi. Nothing.
Otter, Crabbling? Not a sign.
No sign of The GR8, K8.
Mum, English doesn’t exist.
I was beginning to smell a very putrid rat at this stage.
I started to look up Robber, Bock the, but I remembered that they don’t have phones down there [or much else for that matter apart from guns and knives].
The more I looked, the less there was.
Everyone else was there. Even a few people who don’t have telephones. But there wasn’t a blogger in sight.
Eircom is supposed to be a private company but we all know they are under the government’s thumb. Something on this scale could only have come from the top.
I don’t know what they are playing at, but it is big.
This is not a conspiracy theory.
This is a conspiracy fact.