B4 3G
About a month ago, I got a text message on my phone.
There is nothing particularly unusual about that, as I get a lot of them. They usually say things like “Ur babysitting 2nite. We’re arriving in 5 mins”.
This one was from O2. They write to me sometimes, saying what a great chap I am, and here’s five free texts in gratitude for my custom.
This time, they wanted to give me a free SIM pack for my friend.
This was a bit confusing, because they didn’t specify which friend. They just just said “your friend”. Are they assuming I only have one?
I decided to accept their offer for a couple of reasons. One was that I was curious whether they would would specify which friend. I was interested to know whether they would prefer Pullit over Spanner. Would they remember Stony? The other reason was That I had heard that it was a good game. I always fancied running a little virtual community.
I forgot all about it until a little package arrived the other day.
I was disgusted.
First of all, it wasn’t a game at all. And they never did specify the friend.
All it was was a thing like a credit card with a bit that breaks out.
I broke the bit out, and stuck it in my phone, as they suggested, but it refused to work. It said it was locked or something. I took it out again. Anyway, it would have changed my phone number, and it has taken me over ten years to memorise the one I have.
And what is this “3G” thing? They seem very proud of it. I looked through the phones on their web site, and they all said 3G – no. So whatever it is, their own phones don’t work with it.
I hate the name O2. It’s a fucking stupid name. It doesn’t mean anything [two atoms of oxygen?]. I cringed when they renamed the Point Depot.
Now they have 3G. What in the name of all that’s holy is that? It isn’t even an atomic structure.
So now I have a credit card with a hole in it, and a little chip of plastic with a gold badge.
And they have added 3G to my list of things that confuse me.
Wow Grandad – you have all the luck – a brand new sim card that doesn’t work anyway – these companies are just getting desperate to keep customers anyway they can – and at least you responded so they can target you again! 😉
As for 3G ask Keiron – he knows all about that one!!!
If ever I lose my phone, at least I still have a little card thingy. Does Kieron know about these things? What is 3G? Grandad’s Golden Gizmo?
some friends and I once designed and implemented a 3G base station simulator for some nice people in Cambridge. I can enlighten you if you really want to know, but I feel it unlikely. It involves orthogonality.
Actually it was a cell simulator, it pretended to be 2 and a half basestations simultaneously.
Jayzus, Thrifty! You had better explain, because I haven’t the faintest idea what you are on about….
Well if you have a handset it can see more than one basestation at any given time, the simulator pretended to be 2 basestations so the handset manufacturer could use the equipment to test handover between basestations. The half was just there to make life more difficult.
3G uses orthogonal codes to modulate the data, so multiple codes can be transmitted simultaneously on the same carrier and seperated out at the receiver because they are orthogonal. They also have a pseudo-random scambling sequence overlaid on the codes that eliminates interferance between basestations. It can also put different codes (made up of ‘chips’) onto the in phase and quadrature components of the carrier to increase channel capacity. The chips are filtered with a root raised cosine filter (with a matched filter at the receiver) to reduce ISI…
[insert more nerdy stuff here, blah blah, blah]
…and that is basically how it works.
Ah! It’s all so simple really.
Thrifty is wahay smahht. I haz a phone. It wurkz. I dunno wotz in it.
Haha! I’m the same. I know it doesn’t work in the bedroom though.
Well I’m now completely confused!!! I prefer the beermat method of teaching!!
@Baino: Nah, I just got to do some interesting work in a nice area once is all. The fun bit was the beer and restaurants around Cambridge, yum.
LOL, me too Baino…if I remember to purchase a card to add minutes to it 🙂
Aha, the trusty beermat! A fine method of teaching, mainly because they can mostly be found in pubs!!
Thrifty has hit most of the nail on the head.
3G – is great, if you like that sort of thing – it means I can read my email from you horrible lot, receive pictures of the random tat you’ve bought on holiday and even video call people at 5am to see how funny they look after just being woken up. It’s got a lot of practical (and drunken) uses!
Your phone will need to be a newer one to use it, and because your current provider doesn’t want you just switching to the cheapest provider (you’d never be tempted – would you?), they’ve locked your phone to their network.
They used to charge you about £35 to unlock a phone, but find a chap selling phone spangly covers at a market, usually with a laptop hidden under his stall and he’ll do it for a tenner normally! Some sites on the Interweb do it for a couple of quid but that’s dependent on the phone type!
Who are you calling horrible? 😉
Grandad,
I bought a new phone on Pixmania a couple of weeks ago and put the old sim card in – it was reassuring, my phone still says ‘Eircell!’ (When did it cease to exist?)
Does it have a crank-handle on the side to call an operator?
If ever you feel like upgrading to 3G [I still don’t know what it is!]?
What? They renamed the Point to the O2 Arena? That’s bullshit…
What is this phone of which you speak?
Thirfty, I am very concerned about your explanation of 3G and the base stations. I actually understood some of it. As soon as I get off of work, I need to go kill a few more brain cells.
TheChrisD – it will always be The Point as far as I’m concerned. I don’t hold with this fancy rebranding crap.
Bock – It is a device by which you can hear nursery rhymes being recited in another room. Why everyone should want one, I don’t know.
Jim C – I am going to write to Kieron to ask for a detailed explanation in monosyllabic words. I think I have done a good job over a lifetime of murdering braincells.
You could phone a friend and ask for help?
Wednesday, I hope all is well old man.
Flirty – Please enclose number.
TT – It’s Thursday now, and all is fine.
Sounds like you need a beermat version – but in how much detail?
Are we talking just beer mats of what a 3G phone can do, or is this one of those I’m going to need salt, pepper pots – 9 pint glasses and a various other condiments to demonstrate the full capabilities in great detail?
Keiron – Forget the mats. We’ll just go with the beer. Mine’s a large Guinness, thanks.