I wrote a wee post a couple of days ago [I can’t get it up, but I can get it down].

I phoned my Service Provider yesterday. Of course I got onto a bloke who could only speak Estonian. I explained that my downloads were perfect, but that I couldn’t upload anything. After a lot of “could you repeat that please” he sent me some instructions for some tests and told me to e-mail him back the results.

Of course the tests he sent me were to test my download. W*nk*r. I sent them back with a terse reminder that it was my upload I was worried about.

He never replied.

I rang back before lunch and got onto a very nice bloke. I’ll call him Tim [which isn’t his real name!]. This was something new to me. Tim sounded like he knew what he was talking about. He was friendly. He was helpful. He could talk the talk. But best of all – he was Irish. [I presume he still is?].

Tim was a bit baffled by my problem. He did mention that they hadn’t any reports of problems [which was favourite in my betting list, if you remember]. He didn’t mention trees or earthquakes or even sunspots.

He told me to try several things that all sounded sensible, like connecting my PC directly to the aerial. But none of them made any difference. In all we were on the phone for three-quarters of an hour. Then he said he’d have to go into a huddle with the Second Line of Defence. I knew I was getting somewhere. He said he’d ring be back at half one.


At half one, on the dot, he rang me. After I picked myself up off the floor, he explained that the technical lads were baffled and had to think some more, and that he was only ringing me because he said he would. He said he would ring back when he had something to report.

Half an hour later, he rang back. We did some fierce jiggery pokery to allow the Second Line run some tests. He said he was buggering off for an hour and would ring me back. I suppose everyone is entitled to a lunch break.

So, for an hour, I sat there watching strangers attack my PC [because I had to switch off a firewall or something]. I presume every f*cker in the Eastern Bloc now has my credit card numbers. Not to mention my medical records, bank account details and the size of my willy.

An hour later, Tim rang back. They were stumped. They had run their tests, and apparently I have a perfect connection. He even sent me a little graph thingy to prove it.


It looked like they spent the hour playing around with MS Paint, but I doubt it.

They had shown me theirs so I showed them mine. And mine was bigger than theirs.


So the long and the short of it is that I won my bet [at Evens] that there is nothing wrong at their end. But I lost the war.

I don’t know where to turn now. My PC is OK. I tweaked my MTU on their instructions [it didn’t hurt]. I proved that there is nothing wrong at my end. And they proved that there is nothing wrong at their end.

But I still can’t upload.

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I still can't get it up — 16 Comments

  1. Not unless he works in my ISP call centre, in which case tell him to learn the lingo of the people who he’s going to be talking to.

    If your friend is a she, then it wasn’t him.

    Though I love the idea of calling a local call centre and using an Australian interpreter during the call!!

  2. I’m not going to talk to that bloke. I wouldn’t demean myself.

    Anyway, I’ve made too many enemies, and it could have been any of them…..

    Roisin Ingle

    The list is a long one.

    So you survived the wedding 😉

  3. I did. We had a wonderful day and it went just as Elly and my New Son wanted.

    I have no voice or energy today. Going for a nap after lunch, might feel like posting later.

  4. Thanks J.D.

    The problem is that it is intermittent.

    First test…

    Speed Down 2707.84 Kbps ( 2.6 Mbps )
    Speed Up 2267.59 Kbps ( 2.2 Mbps )
    Port 8095
    Server speedtest1.adslguide.org.uk

    A minute later…

    Progress: 0% ….. 20% ….. 40% ….. 60% ….. 80% ….. 100%
    Progress: 0% ….. 20% ….. 40%
    ** An error has occurred while testing **
    A connection error occurred while testing. Please try again later.

    Speed test stopped.

    As you can see, it failed during the upload phase.

  5. Could it be due to that new fangled fixed wireless stuff you use? Your transmitter is going to be a lot less powerful than the one on the mast so you could be attenuated by a number of factors. You know – atmospheric conditions, the height of the buses going past, cosmic rays. . .

    Or dare I say it – contention?

    If it gets worse at a particular time of day, I’d say it was contention. I had the same problem with my setup (which was similar to yours), but if I got up early enough in the morning it seemed OK 😉

  6. 2am, 6am, 9am to 6pm, 11pm, midnight, any day of the week? Nah!

    Contention? Nah! [sure they came out and removed everyone because “the signal wasn’t available”!! I’m about the only one around here]

    Buses? Nah! Not tall enough.

    Cosmic rays? Nah! Too much rain!

    Of course it could be Bertie Aheron flying around interrupting my signal, just to annoy me?

  7. Spent 35 minutes onto India ordering new ink for my printer. The majority of which was spent talking in Army Alphabet language A – Alpha etc. Almost reduced to tears.

    Yes it maybe cheaper to run the center from India but if the customer vows NEVER to purchase ink or printer from you again is it worth it?

  8. I use Viking Direct! Probably not the cheapest, but they are fast and efficient, and I love watching the courier waddling up the lane with a cardboard box big enough for a television and knowing it only contains 2 little cartridges.

    What kind of society do we live in when we phone a local company and actually rejoice when we get someone who speaks English?

  9. When I eventually get through to India,I usually just ask what the weather is like and end up having small talk..like “thank you” and “goodbye”.

    Local friends for local problems I say.

  10. Great stuff, SID. Does that mean you are going to sort my problem?

    From now on, I’m going to insist on using my right as an Irish Citizen to use the Irish language.

  11. Isn’t it nice that there’re only f*ckers in the Eastern Bloc! Or are they just the fastest to get the measurements of the part of the body you use for thinking?

    I can talk about techical issues in my native language (that happens to be E-stonian), can you really do that in Gaelic?

  12. Hi E-stonian,

    No. You are missing my point. I have the greatest respect for all nationalities.

    My point is that Irish companies should not employ staff to deal with technical problems unless they are fluent in the language. You would be annoyed in Estonia [or whereever] if you rang your local company and got some Irish bloke who couldn’t speak your language?

    It is the Irish companies I am complaining about.

    Incidentally, I don’t know the nationality of the first chap I spoke to. I just used a bit of journalistic licence!

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