How to improve your aim in life
I had a phone call from my doctor yesterday.
A phone call from the doctor is a bit like seeing two policemen on your doorstep, or getting a telegram [though that doesn’t happen much these days]. All sorts of thoughts flash through your mind.
Had I forgotten to pay a bill?
Did he finally get the results of the blood test he took five years ago?
Was I to be nominated for ‘Hypochondriac of the Year”?
Had I run over his dog again?
So I called down to the surgery.
Doc and I get on very well. We have the same warped sense of humour. He can even accurately predict which of my bits is likely to fall off next. I’d go for a pint with him, but it’s hard to be chatty with a bloke who has had his finger up your arse [unless you are homosexual, which I’m not].
“What’s up, Doc” says I in my best Bugs Bunny style.
“I’m concerned.” says he “I think it is time we changed your medication. I’m worried about some side-effects”
“Oh?” says I, not knowing what else to say.
“I was up by the lakes over the weekend and I saw you taking pot shots at the tourists again.”
“Ah!” says I “You think maybe my medication isn’t calming me enough? Should I be on something stronger?”
“No. It’s not that. I couldn’t help but notice that you missed a couple of times, which isn’t like you. I think the medication might be making your hands shake a bit.”
I was very relieved. I thought he was going to tell me that the tablets might turn my pee green or something nasty like that.
So he has put me on a different lot. He says it will take a few weeks to completely remove that twitch in the hand.
Just in time for the height of the tourist season.
I told you he’s a nice bloke.
He’s testing his new freebies out on you, da.. be afraid. And it’s not normal for a bloke to have his finger up your bum ALL the time, you know.
“it’s not normal for a bloke to have his finger up your bum ALL the time”
Isn’t it? He said it was. You’ll be saying next that it’s not normal to have to take all my clothes off every time I visit.
Take pentazamin. It steadies your aim by up to fifty percent.
Wow! That sounds great. A straight kill every time.
I suppose I have to wait now for some kind spammer to offer me some. My doc doesn’t like being asked for specific drugs. Last month, he wouldn’t even give me Rohypnol.
All I get offered is penis and breast enlargements …
I can’t decide which to get done!!
I laughed uproariously at your post. My meds are just fine thank you very much.
DC – make the right choice or you could end up looking like Harney.
Thanks, 60. Glad to hear the meds are working. I’m not sure about mine. I think I’ve overdone the pink ones again……
oh dear! not the pink ones….
Your wrist might go limp!
No fear of that. Too much exercise [lifting pints].
My doctor once advised me to stop smoking,drinking and to cut out the sex.
Well, at least until he had finished my examination.
Remind me never to wear a backpack and an Aussie T-shirt around Ireland. Or at least yell our ‘fore’ before you pull the trigger.
The only way to improve your aim is to get out there and practice, practice and practice some more.
The mountains down near your place are full of bodies anyway …
@Baino – next time you come, drop me a mail first. I’ll get you an exemption.
@Brianf – I like your thinking. I’m doing my best.
@DC – True. But not all of them are down to me.