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Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Head Rambles

A sideways look at life by an Irish Grandad

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The Last Three

Head Rambles Posted on 27th September 2013 by 192.168.1.127th September 2013

So the end of September approaches and we enter the last three months of the year.

I fucking hate the last three months of the year.

So what do I hate about them?

  • Days getting shorter and darker.
  • Christmas.
  • Clocks going back making the evenings even darker.
  • Halloween.
  • Wet weather.
  • Cold weather.
  • Windy weather.
  • The false cheer about Christmas.
  • Having to light fires all the time.
  • Advertisements on the television constantly telling me how to have "the perfect Christmas".
  • Constant Christmas "music".
  • Trees going bare.
  • Muddy paw-prints all over the place.
  • Christmas.
  • Stupid fucking tacky memes like "Movember".
  • Budgets.
  • Cold.

What do I like about them?

  • They only happen once a year.

That about sums it up?

 
Posted in Getting old, Rambles | Tagged christmas, how to

The fieldmouse that roared

Head Rambles Posted on 26th September 2013 by 192.168.1.126th September 2013

You lot have no idea of the trouble you cause.

You see, I like Linux.  It's fast, efficient and it doesn't keep fucking annoying me with stupid "virus updates" and "malicious software updates" and "programme updates".

Well, actually, it does update programmes occasionally but it does it in the background and doesn't suddenly switch off in the middle of something.

Also it's free so I don't feel like I'm lining the pockets of some cunt in Seattle.

Now my problem is that I like writing my scribbles on the laptop before banging them up to Rambles. And to do that I use a programme called "Windows Live Writer".  Its title gives a hint to my first problem – it doesn't work in Linux.  I have tried lots of things but it's a non-runner.

So I started looking for something in Linux that does the same job.

I found one – a nice little programme called Blogilo.

I'm using it now.  It's neat and efficient and it does what I want it to do.

Now everything in the garden would be rosy execpt that I have to contend with you lot.

You see, Blogilo doesn't have a spell checker.  It does, but for some reason I can't get it to work.  It's something to do with the fact that I use a flavour of Linux called Gnome, where Blogilo prefers I use KDE which I don't like.  The latter is slow and clunky and it just doesn't look right.

So do I carry on using Windows Live Writer, where I have to load Windows [*spit*] every time or do I switch to Blogilo?

I just know you lot are sitting there like vultures on a tree top waiting for me to mis-spell something.

One wrong letter and you're down like a hawk on a fieldmouse.

You have no idea of the heartache you cause.

 
Posted in Blogging, computers | Tagged update

Bin there

Head Rambles Posted on 25th September 2013 by 192.168.1.125th September 2013

I received a phone call on Monday.

It was from the crowd who collect my bins and they wanted me to put my bins out on Monday night.

I thought this was a little odd as I normally would put my bins out of a Thursday for collection on Friday morning.  I mentioned the fact.  She said it wasn’t for collection, that they just wanted to check the bar-codes or the built in chip or something.  And apparently it was only my bins they wanted and no one else’s.

That was fair enough.  I had a shrewd idea why they wanted to check my chip or my bar code – it was probably because I rarely put the bins out, and they probably thought that just because everyone else puts their bins out every week or two, and that mine was only registering every month or two that something must be wrong.

We have a system here that pays by lift.  The more often you put out your bin, the more you are charged, so I put out my bin as little as possible.  My rubbish goes into various places such as the local landfill, the local ditches and the neighbours garden.  Or else it goes up in smoke.  But there are things that really shouldn’t be dumped such as old batteries, used bulbs, paint tins, used oil, explosive material and the like so they go in the bin.

I put out the bins as requested, and wondered what the neighbours would think.

Yesterday I had to go out.  As I drove out past my bins I noticed they had been joined by two others.  Obviously someone had thought I had insider information on a special collection so they weren’t going to be left out.

While I was out, I had to spend a while waiting for Herself.  About 90% of my life seems to be spent waiting for Herself so there was nothing new there.  I had walked Penny around the block and was sitting in the car patiently waiting when I thought of the bins.  I phoned the company and asked if they had worked on them yet.  She said she hadn’t a clue and would check and phone me back.

Naturally she phoned as I was driving so I had to stop the car.  It caused one hell of a traffic jam but the law is the law?  She told me they were just about to do the work.

Driving up the lane, I noticed there were now six bins.

Later on I decided to wander down and retrieve my two bins – one of which was empty and the other full to overflowing and drag them home.  I had to extricate them from the ten bins that were now blocking the lane.

I had a cheerful call from the bin company this morning.  They wanted to confirm that my bins had been checked and were in fine fettle and they thanked me for my trouble and cooperation.

I haven’t dared look out on the lane today.

It’s probably impassable.

 
Posted in Around the house, Rambles | Tagged driving, new

Satanic rites

Head Rambles Posted on 24th September 2013 by 192.168.1.124th September 2013

I probably mentioned before that the Catholic Church and I parted ways donkey's years ago?

I haven't paid them much heed in the intervening years.  They do their magic incantations and rituals and I do mine.

But I read a thing yesterday about a priest who had been turfed out of his parish.  A complaint had been made to Rome and Rome had responded swiftly and categorically – the priest had to go.

Aha, I thought to myself, another kiddie fiddler?  It must be something incredibly serious for a priest to be moved so swiftly considering how child rapists were allowed stay where they were even when they were known paedophiles?

It was an incredibly serious crime all right.

Apparently he has been officiating at a baptism when he committed his heinous crime.

Had he substituted sulphuric acid for the water to pour over the baby's head?

Had he slaughtered a goat on the altar and then wrapped the baby in its entrails?

Had he insisted on the parents being bollock naked during the ceremony?

Had he claimed that buggering the infant was part of the ritual?

None of the above.

Apparently he let the parents pour the water on the baby's head instead of doing it himself.

Horror of horrors!

Now everyone was happy with this little inclusive arrangement apart from some old biddy in the congregation [and I will bet my last cent it was some old woman – men couldn't give a shite], and the biddy complained to the bishop, and the bishop complained to Rome.  For fuck's sake!

Leastwise, Rome now states that the baby has to be baptised "properly" again.

Reading between the lines, Rome has been gunning for this padre for some time and this was sufficient excuse to get him.  But for his final act of criminality he is lambasted for letting someone else pour water instead of doing it himself?

And they wonder why people are leaving in droves…..

 
Posted in Religion? | Tagged crime, water

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